Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML
Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, my doctor lectured me for 20 minutes about 'drug seeking behaviour' when I asked for more anti-anxiety medication. I need it because my shithead 15 year-old son found my pills and took them to get wasted. I need the meds in the first place because he's constantly pulling shit like this. FML
Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML
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Top comments
dogpfcorn 11
Mother of god.....the zombies are coming
nikininja 4
He is lucky no one took him seriously and took a baseball bat to him!
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Comments (106)
dogpfcorn 11
Mother of god.....the zombies are coming
zandalee 20
Can you somehow force him into the Army? They will sort the little bugger out.
Crazberry 5
1 They have zombie apocalypse survival classes now. The only one I've heard of is in Calgary but if you're concerned you can go up there and learn how to use a crossbow.
ogle5431 1
15 you've never lived near an army base, huh? I live near one in Korea. The US soldiers are idiotic douchebags that give the rest of us Americans living here a bad image. I would hope OP would have higher expectations for her son.
silbot 11
It got him out of school, what a genius
Shrike 24
The people thumbing 33 down? Talk about an overreaction. The guy never said all soldiers are like that, just a lot of the ones in the base near where he lives. I know you're terrified of appearing "unpatriotic" or "un-American", but the really unpatriotic thing is to pretend all soldiers are perfect. They aren't - they're human, and a lot of humans are douchebags, no matter what job they take. Why's that so hard to accept? Part of patriotism is caring about your country and improving it, not praising it no matter how bad it is and turning a blind eye to the shitty elements of it.
sens3sfailing 25
65-thank you for being a true human being. Not a true American because that would mean only Americans could think what you just said, which is far from the truth. You deserve a hug from Morgan Freeman.
sens3sfailing 25
Why the thumbs down? I am simply saying that people from all over the world can be kind and rational and see that their country has flaws and can own up to them. I wasn't saying Americans don't think this way, just that we aren't the only ones!
ILUVMSC 5
Omg. It IS happening. :o
nikininja 4
He is lucky no one took him seriously and took a baseball bat to him!
CaptainDoorknob 7
OP be lucky the police weren't called otherwise your son would've been shot a bare minimum of 62,921 times.
Kibaruto 33
Is he sparkly too? I bet the bath salts made him sparkly, gave him superpowers.
AwsumShyGuy 12
The bath salts are supposed to turn you into "zombies," not vampires.
crazyluvbug 8
I really like your profile pic. Did you draw it?
matt_mcg 2
21 - Vampires don't sparkle.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
21 meant fairies. I hope.
Kibaruto 33
Ok do I made this in reference to how he was pretending to be a zombie. And I was sarcastically asking, in a sense, what's next? Pretending he's a vampire? Worse, one from twilight.
AwsumShyGuy 12
Actually no 25, I found it somewhere on the internet and I thought it was a pretty funny picture so I used it. Plus I needed a profile picture, and I just used the first picture that popped up in my picture library.
Xcherrypie 16
That kid needs to be sectioned!
Mideoyeo 12
Pay some kid to bite him...see how HE likes being chewed on. OR when you feed him meat tell him it's human flesh after he eats it(; that should hopefully cure him..
ginnygoggorgon 3
Wouldn't telling him the meat was human only increase his cannibalism?because he thinks the delicious cow is a human?
Mideoyeo 12
Since he doesn't actually bite chunks of meat off of people I think it would actually turn him off quite a bit.
Alphakhiash 13
Kids are moving from "just biting people" to "biting people because they say they're on bath salts"? Crap, they're trying to give reasoning for being assholes.
TEXASDude45 5
Except he's not exactly a child. This doesn't count as being an asshole as much as plain retardation.
perdix 31
I guess it'd better than admitting you're a "Twilight" freak.
aliyourpally 12
the apocalypse is here D;
Elegance 7
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy! But I'm in bath salts, your face looks tasty.
MissMae93 23
Ugh, that's getting so over-used. I think I saw that "parody" about 15 times the day after that incident was in the news.
thefatman38 4
No no no, there is only two reasons this song should be sung one if it's the chat roulette version dude is f'n hilarious and two hey I just met u and your a lady well there's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?
0ops_i_died 8
46, you need to calm down
tressie_fml 6
HOLY BLOODY SH*T. How original.
wanderingshopper 13
I'd say he's majorly asking for some attention.