Today, my roommates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML
Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML
Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML
Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
New girl? Try not to be such a douche, brah.
ICastillo 25
Well don't say stupid things. YOLO and swag are douchey so stop saying them.
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Comments (124)
everton99 16
£10 every time you say something obnoxious!? You're either rich, or your "friends" really don't like you.
GhostChickens 17
That's what I was thinking. I don't think I'd ever speak around them if a tenner was on the line.
transcedental 18
Awesome, I just watched that episode last night *overly excited about the small stuff* anyway, see it as an opportunity to become a better person? :P
lozzaaa96 13
New girl!
Ressamies 6
you must be a female version of Schmidt
SAgirl 23
Seems they made it especially for you.
roninvamp 4
You're obviously a douche, keep your mouth shut or just say yes or no
MikeRulz 15
i heard about that show on a MinnesotaBurns video on youtube!
candyland13 6
Oh new girl.
EdifierArtist 3
My friends started it with our group, I owe $20, I feel ya man
kgromer 2
The show is New Girl... Try not to be a Schmidt...