Today, my roommates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML
Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML
Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML
Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML
Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
New girl? Try not to be such a douche, brah.
ICastillo 25
Well don't say stupid things. YOLO and swag are douchey so stop saying them.
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Comments (124)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
New girl? Try not to be such a douche, brah.
MrSassypants 34
Seems you have to couch up £10.... and I guess now so do I.
Enslaved 38
Sofaking?
free2speak 14
And OP, you came on FML for what? Looking for sympathy? It's hardly a FYL because you can control what you say. I think your roommates are trying to teach you a lesson, OP. No sympathy, here.
lilhellian 27
What if she isn't saying douche stuff, but it's the roommates being douche bags?
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I'm with 33 on this one. Looks like an easy way to cheat your roommate out of £10 if they're either gullible or stupid enough.
_Oblivion_ 12
I be in so much debt
MrSassypants 34
14 cough* not couch.
redheadedmonster 24
Yup totally from New Girl. Who knows OP maybe you are a douche or maybe your roommates are trying to pull a fast one on you.
MandieL 27
Schmidt is awesome lol
iAmKirsty 8
Funny thing is, as soon as I read the FML, I thought the exact sane! aha New Girl is pretty funny tbh(:
ScotsLassie 6
Hey female Schmidt, lol
chabooty27 7
It says that he had to give the money anytime he said something obnoxious. They just might think that everything he says is obnoxious, and they could be making fun of him for that.
sugarshane007 20
Sounds like you might be a douchebag OP. Maybe you should take a good look at yourself in the mirror and reevaluate things.
Ilikepie82479 20
I imagined this in Jeff Foxworthy's voice
Batterypost 23
Think before you speak.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Good luck if you have Tourette's though...
newbiehere99 6
Eye totally agree #3
Mrjangleybits 1
64- your a real newbie here aren't you?
ICastillo 25
Well don't say stupid things. YOLO and swag are douchey so stop saying them.
gc327072 31
That's not douchey, that's just blatant faggotry.
TrailblazerSS 5
Dude you obviously don't know what you're missing. **** it YOLO.
JAMSM 6
Yes, thank you. Someone with sense got in a comment early.
datoismyname 22
Just steal the jar then.
Accuraxy 10
Saying YOLO everytime you do something is quite obnoxious OP.
cradle6 13
But you only YOLO once!
Accuraxy 10
You only you only live once once? What?
efrainelboricua 12
Correction you only die once. You go to heaven/hell( for religious people) or if you're dying and lose your heart beat and come back technically that's living twice. So yolo is false. Wodo is more accurate
KawiRacer69 5
#32, you just pointed out you can die twice...
loopsy_fml 14
32, another example yolo is false. Kenny McCormick. No, too much South Park? Ok, goodbye
mod3rator 2
"You only you only live once once." Sounds like a Nikki Minaj song... /:
Jonaahhhh 12
Ignore the YoLoTards and SwagFags and keep your head up OP!
zingline89 18
Um, I'd call that a sucker jar. Cuz it seems to me your roomates just found a way to sucker you into paying their portion of the rent.
SpottedZebra42 14
Exactly. It's not like OP has to pay.
dalnice 5
Isn't £10 each time a little excessive anyway? Call me cheap but I thought these things were usually £1 a pop....
cr3ativity 15
A £1, really? Call me cheap, but that's a lot too.
Ilikepie82479 20
A pound is about a dollar and a half right? That's a bit excessive, especially for a joke
AliensAteMyUncle 3
Just point out what a stupid idea a douchebag jar is. You're probably not that obnoxious, they're just making fun of you.
CharresBarkrey 16
Or OP is really annoying and douchey and they're trying to get rid of them or open their eyes to see it.
FaygoAndMiracles 18
I get the feeling that OP probably isn't a douchebag, and probably just has really annoying roommates.
happle 21
I wonder who/what the money goes to. :/
FaygoAndMiracles 18
Yeah. If it goes to something they can all use, or to something they all agree on, then as long as they are all okay with the jar, that would be fine, but, considering it sounds like the roommates are trying to get money out of OP, I wouldn't be surprised if they try to take the money for themselves.
rosesdarkblue 0
Agreed
GRgoldfish 19
well that's the thing #11 we have to go on the information that OP gives us. according to the post it sounds like op is a douchebag. but we don't really know that for sure, her roommates could just be screwing with her.