The gift that keeps on giving

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, since we weren't getting along. When I got home, I remembered that today is his birthday. Him and all our friends now think I'm a total bitch. FML

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, my estranged, psycho ex called me ten times and left belligerent messages because I didn't send him anything for his birthday yesterday like I used to. This is the same man who never gave me a birthday gift, text, or even a Happy Birthday wish during our 7 years together. FML

Not really my problem, but OK

Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

Today, it's my birthday and I had to work. My boss wished me a happy birthday, and then told me I was fired. FML

Today, my boss fired me after chewing me out for the horrible date he had with my mother. FML

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

Today, my boss called me and asked why I haven't been showing up to work. I didn't show up because he fired me last week over the phone. Then he fired me again for not showing up to work. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML