Today, my estranged, psycho ex called me ten times and left belligerent messages because I didn't send him anything for his birthday yesterday like I used to. This is the same man who never gave me a birthday gift, text, or even a Happy Birthday wish during our 7 years together. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML
Today, I got an email from my ex after he ghosted me for 5 months with no specific cause. He told me he had been seeing someone else for 3 of the months he had ghosted me for. He ended up changing his number and everything. What a lovely way to spend your birthday. FML
Today, I received a "Happy Birthday" text from my ex. I thought maybe she missed me, but when I replied with a polite, "Thank you," they responded with "Sorry, wrong person. However, fuck you." Ouch. Happy birthday to me, indeed. FML
Today, the only person who remembered my birthday was my stalker ex. He left condoms, birth control, furry handcuffs, and a lingerie set in my mailbox, with a note saying to prepare for our anniversary. We went out for a week. In sixth grade. FML
Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML
Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML
Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML
Today, my ex sent me a string of abusive texts about forgetting our daughter's birthday. I have no idea when her birthday is because she left me while pregnant and never told me the date, plus she is 3 and I’ve never met her because the police can’t find where they live. FML
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Top comments
lilfuzzy 10
happy birthday! here's your gift! Its a restraining order.....
Winchesterbride 9
how did you stay that long though?
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Comments (15)
Winchesterbride 9
how did you stay that long though?
lilfuzzy 10
happy birthday! here's your gift! Its a restraining order.....
ayyy_bro 26
Or you could just change your number and get on with your life?
sweetbliss3 37
blocking is simpler and without the hassle.
Glowworm56 27
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear psycho ex-boyfriend. Happy birthday to you.
Druu 53
Happy Birthday, you crazy nut job! Here's that restraining order you always wanted! Try it on! Don't worry if it's an exact fit -- I can't even tell from 500 yards away!
Druu 53
not* an exact fit, obviously. Bring back the edit button!
itsameeeekatrino 5
maybe they have kids together or something
RinoaHeartilly 36
That wouldn't matter.
RichardPencil 32
You should have sent him a warm bag of dogshit, just to let him know you hadn't forgotten him completely.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Block him and don't respond. Selfish people tend to act entitled. Your ex sounds like a narcissist.
Regulate 21
He's a butt.
DanielleinDC 34
He never got you a gift, and you stuck with him for seven years? That said, block the guy's number. And if he calls you from other numbers, restraining order.