Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML
Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML
Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, in a fit of rage, my mom confessed to me that I was adopted, and if she had the chance to turn back time, she wouldn't have done it in the first place. All because I ate the last ice cream sandwich. FML
Today, my brother had texted me, asking, "Why did you take Mom's chocolate? That's pathetic." I proceeded to swear on my own life that I didn't, but directly after that he sent me a picture of the wrapper in my room. FML
Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML
Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple of times after school. FML
Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML
Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML
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Top comments
cradle6 13
Chocolate eggs? Is that what you kids call them now?
SkoomaKi 28
I'm proud of you, you found the last egg! Must have been some good chocolate if they said that.
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Comments (181)
Samanthai 0
Ur parents are just jealous cuz they wanted that last egg
digitaljunky 5
The truth hurts
titzenpitzer 9
I'm guessing your parents are deadly serious
MMA_Canada92 7
I'm surprised you're still living in the same house. I woulda kicked you out after eating the last chocolate egg... Jk jk
tigrouficele2012 44
Don't they know how cheap Easter candy is after Easter is over? Just tell them to buy some more!
perdix 31
They went easy on you. They left out the part that you'd be a desperate ***** reduced to blowing hobos for food, dying from eating said food and then burning in Hell for all eternity. Yeah, that's what happens to selfish shit kids who hog the treats.
SkoomaKi 28
Talking from experience Perdix? ;)
Pigeon89 34
They do say it's a slippery slope...
THExistentialist 13
what about the part where OP sucks meth for **** and haunts the busstops rambling about the chocolate eggs ruining everything and scaring small children?
perdix 31
#52, Yes. I'm writing you this from Hell -- all we have is dial-up. The worst part is that I found out when I got here, I didn't need to service the hobos. I could have gotten food stamps and subsisted on government cheese. Why didn't I think of that?
BrownSugar10940 2
Such an inspirational talk with yur parents
hilary56 0
They're probably joking…
coboy 5
And thus the journey to self destruction has begun....
KingCeltic77 18
My dad is the exact same way. I can relate.
I'madumbass 19
My parents are very similar to this FML as well. Relatable...........I feel so sorry, OP