Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was painting my new house when my neighbor introduced himself. Mid-conversation, he said, "The lady who lived here was nice, but just couldn't get over her husband hanging himself in the garage. Or her son shooting himself in the basement." I'll never sleep again. FML
Today, I just bought my own house after divorcing my wife of 30 years. We'd been childless by her choice, and as I stood in my new living room, looking at the emptiness, I couldn’t help the feeling I just bought a 2-storey, £125,000 coffin that I’ll one day die alone and be buried in. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, I moved into my new house. The previous occupants failed to tell me that they'd recently kicked out their crazy crackhead son, who seems to think they've paid me to pretend that they've moved out and that I'm the new owner. He wants back in. FML
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML
Today, I’d been dying to escape my dreary hometown, but had panic attacks at the thought of being on my own, but at last, I'd found a place I could afford. Turns out, the guy I was going to rent from was just arrested for murdering his last tenant. FML
Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML
Today, a haunted house opened up next to my restaurant and they've gotten into the habit of scaring me as I'm cleaning up at night. They stay open for another month. FML
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Top comments
letiflor 3
lol just get the house blessed 0:)
orangeduck 6
If food began to dance in the air then I would be scared.
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Comments (114)
Cleao18317 11
Who ya gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS!
sxe_beast 11
You should always inquire about these things prior to purchasing a home.
iCHEA3RY 0
have you not considered that your neighbor was lieing because he doesn't like you?...
Comet_Candy 23
Don't forget the holy water. And maybe a priest.
GoneClubbin 9
well it would of said something in the papers you had to sign so...
dayellethescene 0
probably didn't even read them
jdmarine83 0
I'd be willing to bet that your neighbor just doesn't like you and wants you to move out, return the favor.
The_Hitchhiker 0
Umm... you DO know that ghosts aren't real, don't you?
vegan_muffin 5
First off, she might be lying.Second, if you didn't notice anything when you toured the house (I'm assuming you did this before purchasing it), you probably wont notice anything now. And third, if you do start to feel "ooky" you can always burn some sage, or come have your chosen religious individual bless your house for you. Problem solved.
Levvy 22
It's always funny how ghosts just happen to respond to whatever religion is practiced by the person dealing with them, isn't it? I guess all ghosts are Unitarians.
xNephilim 19
Honestly, I just think that most religions all center around the same thing. Muslims, Jews, and Christians are all "people of the book", so they basically believe the same thing except that Jesus is solely Christian, Mohammad solely Muslim, and the Jews believe that their messiah is yet to come. But even religions like Buddhism... Or Greek mythology... I like to look at them as different ways to describe the same deity. Only that some religions divide the one God into several gods... So yeah, ghosts would respond to all religions. But idk, that's just me.
lectricpharaoh 9
So basically, the "have no gods before me" dirty of the Old Testament is completely compatible with the multitudes of gods in, say, ancient Greek mythology? It really amazes me how religious people can come up with excuses for just about anything. Prayer goes unanswered? It was answered, but the answer was "no". Prophecy doesn't come true? Well, obviously it was interpreted wrong. It's like an abused woman rationalizing her partner's behavior ("I made him mad" or "he's had a hard day" or "he's not really a bad person"), rather than admit he's an abusive bastard.
B3Y0ND 3
Kurt Cobain?
shelbyyyy11 0
some guy with diabetes died in the front yard of my lake house, & it's not haunted. just accept that your neighbor is messing with you, unless you see some paranormal activity......
B3Y0ND 3
It's all fun and games til some bitch drags you down the hall by your leg in the middle of the night. -____- So inconsiderate.