Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a doctor's appointment to figure out why I've suddenly started going deaf. As it turns out, for some reason my ears now produce wax at an alarmingly fast rate. "Enough to make an entire candle before long if you save it up," the doctor said when she cleared them out. I guess this is my life now. FML
Today, I found out that my waking up every morning with my ear being ridiculously plugged is actually an ear infection. How did I not know? It's simple: my ears generate enough wax to make an entire fucking candle, so I assumed they were just building up again. FML
Today, after watching Shrek, my little brother started collecting his earwax to make it into a candle like Shrek did. I can’t get him to throw it away even after bribing him with bags of candy. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML
Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML
Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML
Today, while working at my new job at a surgery center, I noticed how odd it was that the room began to smell like fried chicken. I thought it smelt pretty good, until I learned it was actually the smell of someone getting their ear cauterized. I enjoyed the smell of someone's burning ear flesh. FML
Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML
Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML
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Top comments
clownman 0
you work in the same office as Shrek??
aardvarks 0
Won't that be a lovely scent?
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Comments (82)
sxe_beast 11
Tasty.
MrSassypants 34
Why would you taste a candle? Your supossed to smell it.... though iit probably would most likely be tasty.
baddud300 6
Well if you want you can come "Blow" my candle. :D
nolaneldridge 1
16 your dick lights on fire?!?! I wish mine could do that
amsgirl11 0
Thats Gross . haha
geeksaresexy 18
That would be an awesome trick!
Merylwen 24
That's gross but funny: he wanted to do the same thing as Shrek ! So in the end it's almost cute XD
whyXD 13
maybe he's asking you for some help.:)
dolphincheddar 10
way to be resourceful! this reminds me of the time I recycled my own feces as manour for my opium plantation. it saves money! :)
FunnyWeasel 7
At work I call "regulars" the customers
dolphincheddar 10
do you by chance work at a fast food restaurant?
zendaddy0 0
shrek nostalgia here I go hrgdhjfhdfdgffgdgjyefgfrgh
FunnyWeasel 7
yeah I work at mcdonalds but the op could be in retail, who knows?
rebornbabe 0
LOL
aardvarks 0
Won't that be a lovely scent?
fymother 13
they did this on mythbusters. apparently it was awful.
EmyB_fml 8
Hmm, ear wax scented candle... Noms
fanceh 10
yeah, I saw this on mythbusters. it doesn't work though, haha.
grapist 0
2nd!!!
clownman 0
you work in the same office as Shrek??
Isoldael 27
A regular, not a colleague :p
darkness4dummies 0
how is this an fml just asking
Termites 15
hahaha.
nerdsgetmehot 23
I can't imagine that candle would smell very good.
melmel4018 4
this is hilarious.
kaoriblossom 8
I feel sorry for the doctor who has to remove it :D
gene818 13
Mythbusters tried this. Firstly, it's disgusting. Secondly, it's busted (it just wouldn't work in reality).
Rick_S 3
To tell you how gross it was, everyone was gagging and almost puking. This is Mythbusters, where they've seen and done everything, and they were getting sick!
geeksaresexy 18
I haven't seen that episode.. Does sound pretty gross though..
sofiainthesun 5
I can see a business started out of that.
gene818 13
Mythbusters tried this. Firstly, it's disgusting. Secondly, the myth's busted (meaning it doesn't work in reality).