Today, I found out that my boyfriend jerked off more times than he called me when I was out of town for 4 days. Me: 0; porn: 2. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML
Today, I have caught my boyfriend masturbating by himself over a dozen times since Xmas, so God knows how many times he’s done it without me knowing. I asked him about it, and it turns out a woman he went to high school with, and had a huge crush on, recently became a porn actress. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML
Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML
Today, I suspected something was up when my boyfriend snuck out of bed after he thought I fell asleep. I caught him jerking to porn in the living room and got really upset. He actually got mad, saying, "I have needs and you never put out and get bitchy when I try." FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML
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Top comments
phybreawptic 13
1. Did you come home and quiz him about masturbation? 2. Your phone make outgoing calls?
Plop 17
Wow, twice in 4 days? Call the priest, your guy's a sex-crazed maniac!!! Or, you know, stop whining about his masturbatory habits when you're not even around, and be proactive in your relationship. And it was just 4 days, not 4 months.
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Comments (8)
Nikki 17
In fairness, you can jerk off much quicker than a phone call and it’s much more enjoyable
Plop 17
Yeah, never had my ear burning after jerking off!
phybreawptic 13
1. Did you come home and quiz him about masturbation? 2. Your phone make outgoing calls?
Plop 17
Wow, twice in 4 days? Call the priest, your guy's a sex-crazed maniac!!! Or, you know, stop whining about his masturbatory habits when you're not even around, and be proactive in your relationship. And it was just 4 days, not 4 months.
2deployments1divorce 11
Oh you two talk on the phone frequently when he is in town?
RichardPencil 32
Either he's old or way under-reporting his wank stats.
Jonkbaby 23
Why were you out of town? He may have assumed you were doing your thing and didnt want to bother
LP13413 8
And those are just the two times he's told you about. But hey, look at it this way, it's better he's doing that than sneaking around.