Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was painting my new house when my neighbor introduced himself. Mid-conversation, he said, "The lady who lived here was nice, but just couldn't get over her husband hanging himself in the garage. Or her son shooting himself in the basement." I'll never sleep again. FML
Today, I just bought my own house after divorcing my wife of 30 years. We'd been childless by her choice, and as I stood in my new living room, looking at the emptiness, I couldn’t help the feeling I just bought a 2-storey, £125,000 coffin that I’ll one day die alone and be buried in. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, I moved into my new house. The previous occupants failed to tell me that they'd recently kicked out their crazy crackhead son, who seems to think they've paid me to pretend that they've moved out and that I'm the new owner. He wants back in. FML
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, less than a day after my cranky downstairs neighbor passed away, I woke up to banging sounds against his apartment ceiling, like the ones he used to make whenever I walked around during the night. I'm shitting myself in fear. FML
Today, I’d been dying to escape my dreary hometown, but had panic attacks at the thought of being on my own, but at last, I'd found a place I could afford. Turns out, the guy I was going to rent from was just arrested for murdering his last tenant. FML
Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML
Today, a haunted house opened up next to my restaurant and they've gotten into the habit of scaring me as I'm cleaning up at night. They stay open for another month. FML
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Top comments
letiflor 3
lol just get the house blessed 0:)
orangeduck 6
If food began to dance in the air then I would be scared.
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Comments (114)
droxd923 0
just say Beetlejuice 3 times.
duckman9 55
I would rather try it with "bloody marry".
anencephalic 14
Sissy.
niswisk 3
post it on the market as a haunted house it WILL send the price of the house threw the roof and poeple begging to buy it. it sounds weird yes but its true. theres alot of poeple who are absolutly fascinated with haunted houses!
redbluegreen 41
The bungalow at 521 Elm Street, it has four bedrooms, original hardware, and screams in the attic.
rabTAI 3
if rent is cheap, I could use one room.
iAccidentally 8
Time to call Ghostbusters...
HeretoBlame 3
Well the good news is to your boyfriend if you have one, since he will be spending more time in your house. He is a lucky man lol
nanaprincess 7
get a roommate, you chicken shit.
nanholt101 0
don't be a pussy
MissRoxiie 12
grow up and stop acting like a frightened kid, theres no such things as ghosts, come on.