Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "My mom is SO awesome." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
log1k 3
what... the ****?
ohmygawdz 0
FYL because your mom thought you would know that.
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Comments (263)
OmgItsAnaBeatriz 0
WTF? I Think She thinks Your Gay Er Something...O.o
Dogmaw 0
/agree with #4. Be glad your mom bothers to talk to you about anything serious.
mEeLa_fml 0
hahahaha BWAhahahahah i almost fell off my chair from laughing at this one. It's something i've wondered myself from time to time. I think about the mechanics of sex when i'm bored sometimes and that's one of the questions that keeps coming up. (yes coming with an O) Another one is about lesbian sex. If oral sex is not sex, and pleasuring someone with a toy is not sex, then its concave on concave - no penetration. So what exactly is lesbian intercourse, cos as far as I understand, that's about actual penetration. Also does the word penetration come from the word penis, and is pen also a penis word?
kitti_ 0
#104... Seriously? Oral sex IS a form of sex, hence 'sex' in its name. Using a toy would be penetration, therefor it is a sex act. The word 'penetration' can be used with more things than sex, I'm assuming the word didn't come from penis... And.. pen... is a pen. It has nothing to do with anything.
nikkirito 0
Your mom. Is. AWESOME.
shirvon100 0
tht is no doubt no doubt the funniest thng ive heard in al ong time even if it might be fake
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
#4 is right. But anyway, am I the only one who wouldn't find that... No, I guess I would find it awkward too. If it was one of my friends, then I wouldn't mind. We all like shonen-ai. xD
screw_this_120 0
That's not too bad. A little mortifying to start with, but it's an honest question.
xo_emily_xo 0
Was she implying that you have gay sex??
iDontFail_xD 0
Listen, the guy on the bottom has a girl to **** at the same time? :)