Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm an insomniac. My husband knows this but still woke me up throwing a fit because he lost a round on his stupid fucking cellphone game. He has to watch a 15 second ad for another life; meanwhile, I’ll be lucky if I fall back asleep before the sun comes up. FML
Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML
Today, just like every other day, I was woken up 2 hours earlier than I needed to be, by the alarm belonging to my upstairs neighbors. They won't wake up until their real alarm goes off: me, pounding the walls and yelling in frustration. FML
Today, like every day, I woke up at 3 in the morning because my roommate needs "a three hour warning" before his real alarm goes off. His alarm is a constant beeping noise which he always ignores for a good 10 minutes before finally getting up and turning it off. FML
Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML
Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML
Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
riley873 21
the beginnings of your murder confession😈
Charlie Given 28
Have ya tried a bucket of water 🤔 works every time 😂
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Comments (9)
riley873 21
the beginnings of your murder confession😈
BMXDude22 12
Dont know what that "I got shit to do today" thing is, but I want it for my alarm
Charlie Given 28
Have ya tried a bucket of water 🤔 works every time 😂
alycion 39
No. My husband tried. He also tried pulling the mattress down the hall. Me and my blanket stayed nice and comfy. A bomb could go off and I wouldn’t move. Hell, my mom slept through a plane crashing by the house and all the times my dad tried to call to check on her.
daengh 15
If I did that to my wife I'd wake up dead.
Emma Marshall_738558922 12
I hate selfish people that do that. Just get up the first time! I get up at 3:20am, it's not that hard.
Mathalamus 25
He needs five alarms.
honestjane 22
And that is one of the many reasons I'm now divorced.
Sheogorath 4
If I used the Skyrim theme as my alarm I'd continue sleeping and dream that I was killing a dragon. Tell him to use Otherworld from FF10, that shit startles me awake.