Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML
Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
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Top comments
Nudi_fml 13
Sounds reasonable
mnblkjpoi 0
That seems legit.
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Comments (212)
strack94 6
Seriously?.jpg
SweetOnee 0
haha moms these days :P
structuredchaoz 4
This is an easy one. Instead of screaming grab his balls and squeeze until your fingers bleed. No man can chase you with ball pain.
YoshiXclusive 0
She's a boss
lucas18xx53 0
73- haha! 119- lmfao prolly the funniest thing I've read on fml
Ashlyn_nicole11 6
How do you survive when ones boobs are chopped off?
unicornunit 0
haha ur mom has a pretty broad.. and creepy imagination o_O
_moden_ 6
Now you know why you mom is blind and has no boobs.
badactor009 0
I would hate to ask how she interacts with a car salesman.
EireGoBragh 1
Your mum is a scary, scary person