Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML
Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML
Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ZeroPath5 16
Gotta love those in-laws...
Wizardo 34
One by one OPs family were mysteriously struck down that night, no one knows who was responsible for the ninja like attacks but some say that the OPs tortured soul exacted revenge on all those who fell for the evil wench of an aunts tricks... and that concludes story time guys.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (80)
ZeroPath5 16
Gotta love those in-laws...
xlord 27
After reading your comment the song "What is love?Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me. No more" got stuck in my head. :)
ZeroPath5 16
All part of the plan!
GoodLookingGeese 10
Next time, break her neck
sulitak 27
I know, where was the wife with this? I would NEVER let my Mom treat my husband that way.
Wizardo 34
One by one OPs family were mysteriously struck down that night, no one knows who was responsible for the ninja like attacks but some say that the OPs tortured soul exacted revenge on all those who fell for the evil wench of an aunts tricks... and that concludes story time guys.
venom2421 10
If you wrote a book, I would buy it.
EpicSquishii 21
Mother-in-law. Not aunt
rocker_chick105 31
Is it weird that I instantly thought of "And Then There Were None" when I read this?
pinguino3669_fml 23
Yeah, that and 10 Little Indians
KiddoKS 19
Those are actually the same... Great story by Agatha Christie.
astralvagan 20
Sounds like most mother-in-laws I know..... They will do whatever they can to either make you seem or feel not good enough..... That sucks though OP.... Hopefully they all see through her shit eventually
SoulAmeliorate 16
Talk about a wrist-straining order.
Athleticism 11
You're silly.
MilkyFilmz 26
No he's very punny.
SelenaMilkshake 17
How immature. Are all mother-in-laws like this?
AholeCop 11
Yes, all of them. Once one almost wasn't, but then she was.
Chumsword 8
No they're not all like that, case in point; My mother-in-law speaks very little english, she just asks if I'm hungry all the time. After a bit, I get yummy Laotian food.. I can say that my mother-in-law kinda rocks.
charlotte69er 7
She must really like you...
Pesticides 19
well, she did talk op into holding hands...
9echo 17
The fact that she had to talk you into breaking her wrists should be enough to make you blameless.
kee_breezy32 34
what a show!
Chellybelly92 14
More like monster in law. Sorry OP.
RivetingTaleChap 6
Maybe she needs to be "shown" some more moves in private.
flockz 20
or maybe someone needs to show her privates some moves.