Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML
Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Nudi_fml 13
Sounds reasonable
mnblkjpoi 0
That seems legit.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (212)
Raheemdplayer 7
Just learn those defense techniques that they teach you. And I remember seeing on Crimewatch don't scream because people will think you're messing around, you should shout 'HELP SOMEONE IS TRYING TO RAPE Me' or something along those lines. Lol how I'm treating this as if you're going to be raped
Calyx_fml 22
The best thing to do is to pretend to enjoy it. Then invite him back the next night... when the cops can be there waiting for him.
PSYCH_03 0
how did this topic of conversation even start???
emodude44 0
I'm not into chopping off ****. Now, heads on the other hand... Yes
runner2135 0
You're supposed to shout 'fire' when being attacked/raped.
123jdub 7
that is sound advice and while. your at it just go ahead and remove your panties and ask them if they want top or bottom
xJebu 8
Lol
IamEddieF 2
The screaming helps me finish faster.
g33ch 1
Supergluing your eyes and chopping off your boobs would still not solve the screaming problem. He'd be better off with duct tape
xGolBLiiN 1
your moms a wise woman
suchaprettygirl 4
Says the person in the chicken suit haha