Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML
Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML
Today, my son came to complain that all he and his girlfriend do is have sex, yet never talk to each other. As his dad, I tried to give him good advice, but as his mom makes me miserable every time she opens her mouth, it was a struggle to think what to say. In fact, he’s living my idea of paradise. FML
Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
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Top comments
burdenofaday 0
Haha. Your mom likes buttsex.
Sciamachy 0
Wow... so your mom is into aural & nasal sex too?!
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Comments (61)
mushroomcloud 0
This was pointless.
brave_fml 0
Don't forget the nose!
sillypun 0
#38 -- hungry -- thats only payback for the guy if his dick as as big as a finger... and which case, he's already been punished his whole life with a laughably small penis. #39 -- alanajoy -- lucky doctor.
that_one_guy 0
@ #25 Ain't that the truth. Its also a big gateway for stimulus if you get what I'm gettin at.
MCart_fml 0
#29 LMAO.. many women would be surprised how often they would get "OK" as an answer to that... now what do you do?
MCart_fml 0
47, you should make the offer and see what he says ;)
fish1806 0
I like your mum. she can give me a call.
aabbccdd_fml 0
that's not bad at all... your life isn't ****** in any way whatsoever...
TheOrpheus 0
way better than the advice i give or get
Linkshot 0
You guys missed the point. It's the key to a happy marriage, not the key to getting a boyfriend in the first place. It can simply be taken as "be completely open to your husband; not excluding sexually."