Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML
Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML
Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML
Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
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Top comments
razi1 20
Aw and they said size doesn't matter :p
715chiefs 15
The last time my mom got drunk, she left me at a diner in the middle of Nebraska. 50 miles away from where we lived.
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Comments (85)
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Hooray! You can be one big happy family again!
Miss_Whipped 43
With the drunkenness and crying aspect of that whole ordeal, I don't think that becoming a 'big happy family' will be the outcome. If I was OP, I sure wouldn't want it to.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Was the sarcasm really that bad?
Miss_Whipped 43
Oh, that was your attempt at sarcasm? Well hey, it's not for everyone.
Allornone 35
I'll probably be down voted for this as well, but honestly, 11, I saw the sarcasm just fine. maybe my own sarcastic nature makes me assume everything is sarcasm, but I thought it was a perfectly good attempt at it.
kelsorg 21
it was. this girl just likes to try and make people feel stupid. probably helps her sleep better at night.
ladybugz23 13
sizes don't matter, its nice of you to comfort her and let her vent on you
AlaskanG 27
Well you asked :p
worldclassrager 41
Sometimes it's better not to ask...sorry OP
FrozenMusic 26
One of those "I wish I didn't hear that" moments
wanted_2_want 40
Now you're the one who needs to get drunk!!!
groovycrazyjoe 18
she might have her mother genes, something might come out wrong
feven 32
I wonder how she acted when she was actually still with him. Must have been a pain in the ass...
marcranger 29
I doubt it was a pain in the ass; if it was really that small, she wouldn't even have felt it!
CallMeBloo 31
Rub the tell-all in when she's sober. :D
lux0rd 18
Atleast you're female so you don't need to worry about a tiny penis in your jeans.
JBChristian 47
You wouldn't know what OP's standards are, so a small penis in her jeans isn't for you to tell. But on the other hand there's going to be a 25%/75% chance OP's child may have it in their 'genes' depending on who she marries and whether she has some of her fathers genes to pass on.
lux0rd 18
I am aware of this and how to spell genes. I was joking and taking advantage of the jeans/genes homophone. She doesn't ned to worry about it in her "jeans" or "genes" unless of course she has concern for the size of her son's penis.
Adam5858 17
What the actual........i dont even know