Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
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Top comments
715chiefs 15
He started out in your balls, he was just trying to find a way back in.
henney2464 6
Haha, he probably feels so special
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Comments (104)
henney2464 6
Haha, he probably feels so special
md101 18
Sounds like a ball breaker of a day.
cakefete2 31
#1, he's trying to stomp out all future competition for his dad's love.
incoherentrmblr 22
Sounds like your son is learning Krav Maga...
blancoing 14
what a great father...
715chiefs 15
He started out in your balls, he was just trying to find a way back in.
DragonPorn 15
How did this get thumbed down?
domolovesyoshi 33
Because that's not how reproduction works
Wingnuts 12
Tell him he killed his soon-to-be-brother.
AlaskanG 27
And why would you ever say that to a 5-year old?
cartoonboy 26
Just drop him off at the adoption place
cakefete2 31
Go to timeout and think about what you've done. If you still believe that was appropriate, stay in the corner and think some more.
Queenie2014 11
WTF?!
SwtCherryPie 26
Because you can't admit your son hurt you? and maybe in the process teach him to be careful around such sensitive areas?
imasquealer 1
Exactly. My son is four and knows not to jump on daddy's balls.
cakefete2 31
Why shouldn't he jump on your balls? Does it have anything to do with your screen name?
asnakelovinbabe 16
^^^^ I am dying of laughter.
Sp1k3FML 14
Fyl,you chose to have kids.
gshocker20 21
Coming from the prepubescent teenager.
AlaskanG 27
So did your parents. Think they regret it?
junkman6 22
That's YDI for choosing to have kids. Getting ball busted comes with the territory of child raising.
kelsorg 21
explain to him how one day he will share the same "happiness" lol
Saikon1357 25
Son, someday in the future you will understand why daddy is crying.
Jiplo 18
Kids. Gotta love 'em.
Shmatterhorn 38
Especially when they get to choose which nursing home you get to go to at the end.
chris4u2nv5 19
I would have explained it to him a different way!!! The old fashion way.
cakefete2 31
I can't help but picture your "old fashioned" way involving OP punching his son in the groin and saying "hurts don't it?".
chosha_fml 27
For accidentally hurting him? Sometimes the old-fashioned way is just the asshole parent way.
warsun 27
You sound like an awesome dad :D