Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML
Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML
Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML
Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
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Top comments
razi1 20
Aw and they said size doesn't matter :p
715chiefs 15
The last time my mom got drunk, she left me at a diner in the middle of Nebraska. 50 miles away from where we lived.
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Comments (85)
omgimdying 15
That's an image you can't erase anytime soon.
md101 18
That must've blown..
GIGA_IMPACT 15
Secretly OP forgot to add the sentence, now I know where I get it from to the FML.
CallMeBloo 31
OP is a female.
blackunicorntear 8
if your a good child you will pretend it never happened and carry on with life... we all have moments of weakness
weveallbeenthere 30
YDI you asked she answered. never ask a drunk something when they are crying, unless you are prepared for an unexpected answer.
slyde32 12
yeah, I don't try asking the person who gave me life, food, shelter, and many other things what's wrong if I see her crying, either
purple_hippo 3
Pretty sure you're lying.
communisttaco 16
Я не знаю, что сказать
rosso700 14
Well technically that tiny penis made you so ....
flamingice13 11
I would have said "thank god I dont take after him"
slyde32 12
OP can't take after him, she doesn't have one at all
whys0serious 12
Somehow it often happens to people to see their parents drunk, or at least I've read quite a few postings about it here. Don't really understand that, is it that common? I've never seen my parents drunk, and I'm really glad about it. I mean, of course they've had friends over, and have been in parties and had a few drinks. But "drunk" describes for me a state in which you definitely looked too far in the glass...are so many people that irresponsible?