Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML
Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML
Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML
Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
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Top comments
razi1 20
Aw and they said size doesn't matter :p
715chiefs 15
The last time my mom got drunk, she left me at a diner in the middle of Nebraska. 50 miles away from where we lived.
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Comments (85)
handsome_jack 2
You married your dad's wife?
cmb8280 24
In all fairness, you did ask.
alicat13 12
It's a pleasure! Any more valuable information you still require?
pitapizzaparty 18
U asked tho and shes drunk and she doesnt really think
TheDevilWearsJoe 8
Well, OP, you were asking for it.
katie1989 9
My husband has a large member and I myself am very small. Since having a baby, sex is must more comfortable as it doesn't take 15 minutes to get it in there. Too big is much worse than too small.
stiffster 5
the more you know
guci101 14
Well isn't that delightful
aimzskee 30
You did ask op.
dreadlocmask 15
Hey, you asked.