Today, I was alone at home. It was a boring day, so I just masturbated. Then someone rang the bell. Police and reporters were waiting for me at the door. There was a triple homicide and a suicide next door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML
Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML
Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML
Today, I was home alone while my family was on a trip for 3 days at the beach. I walked around naked and did stuff, thinking they wouldn't know. After a whole evening of doing stuff like that, I noticed a camera. They were filming it all. FML
Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML
Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML
Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML
Today, I was alone at my dad's house. I was furiously masturbating when I knocked something over. It was my grandmother's ashes. FML
Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Were...you dressed appropriately enough for the interview? Did you even give the interview. Since you most likely didn't know about this murder-suicide incident, I'm guessing you turnt it down unless you knew the people personally.
Nikki 17
This post would’ve been fine without you telling us about playing with yourself
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Comments (4)
cuz803 46
Were...you dressed appropriately enough for the interview? Did you even give the interview. Since you most likely didn't know about this murder-suicide incident, I'm guessing you turnt it down unless you knew the people personally.
Thaylok 17
On the bright side, Post Nut Clarity should have helped with the interview. if they were all there (news) then the issue didn't likely happen while you were distracted.
RichardPencil 32
How did you not hear anything? Did you just have the **** turned up that loud?
Nikki 17
This post would’ve been fine without you telling us about playing with yourself
RichardPencil 32
Unless there was a cause-and-effect relationship between the events.