Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML
Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, I had to beg my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This is a basic weekly argument. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ElementaryEdGuy 18
How about, "Take a shower or you'll never get that thing touched again?"
lakerfan8224 17
Don't go near that dirty body of his
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
Pstraka6 20
And haggle him in return for his credit card and get yourself a nice gift
AzWolf 5
You'd consider that????
whatthefreshhell 15
At least he didn't try to get one before the shower! That's gross, though. Good luck OP
Original_Outcast 23
Well, he sounds charming dear.
Crabtree1015 12
i picture sponge bod saying that lol.
s0m3guy2010 21
It looks like he's using chemical warfare. Breathing in near him seems to cause nausea and eventual passing out.
TheJester12 15
You know how animals clean each other with their tongues? I take it back, this isn't going anywhere good.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Oh dear god!
DommeAshlee 11
Why in the hell had he not taken a shower in two weeks?! It would take more than just one shower before i would touch it. Ball juice builds up. Takes a few scrubs to get it all off.
GolgiTendonOs 18
Invite him to have some fun in the tub, then just get out once he's in the water.
Jacksparrow72 21
First make him shower. It seems like it's worth it.
kelseythompson 27
thats truly sad, yes I'll suck your dick.. but only if you shower. sickkk