Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML
Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML
Today, I had to beg my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This is a basic weekly argument. FML
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Top comments
ElementaryEdGuy 18
How about, "Take a shower or you'll never get that thing touched again?"
lakerfan8224 17
Don't go near that dirty body of his
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Comments (87)
izzy4175 8
worked on duck dynasty
goudou_fml 19
That's just disgusting... Imagine the build up of kn*b cheese
Ziggy122 15
Offer him a ******* IN the shower? That could be fun... But seriously. You married this pig? You SLEEP NEXT TO HIM?
sig4life 18
I believe the question I would ask is did he win? Oh and how did you let that stinky ass sleep in the same bed as you. I would've been sleeping on the couch?
Baybiiie 11
Why would you live with someone who is that dirty? How could you not make him be more hygienic? YDI for letting him off for 2 weeks. That's disgusting.
spottyblanket 8
GROSS. if my spouse was lacking personal hygiene, as in, never bathed I would file for a divorce. Massive turn off. Does this happen a lot? Take a long vacation from him, hopefully he will learn.
Knightchaser27 25
That seems a bit extreme
wjh100 13
thank you for explaining the joke.
Dave_Davington 34
Well, I guess it sucks to be you.
Roley4498 14
Only after the shower, right?
dancinwookie 21
I used to have to coax my ex into taking showers with me just to get him to bathe. That's just one of the reasons he's an ex.