Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML
Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girlfriend if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dialed my number, only to find she had my number saved in her phone as "ASS FACE #3". FML
Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
pinktiger 0
thats what you get for being nosy
buttseckz 0
Curiosity killed the cat.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (155)
RufusCade 7
There you have it - for snooping.
CaleighChi 0
exactly. Those are the immature comments i was expencting to get back. So you didn't actually listen to what i said did you?
your_face 15
...What were you planning to say when the person answered, if it had been someone else? "Oh hi, I just wanted to see who my husband has in his phone as 'the Bitch'"? YDI.
couny343 1
not really helping yourself by looking through his contacts
Super_Vegetto 0
Maybe he's a thug, and the OP's the main??? Idk. Just throwing it out there. (Beyonce feels she's that bitch)
teiso_fml 0
Wow, your husband is an idiot.
lauraanne 0
awww devostational!
lady_unknown 0
I believe your hubby did it on purpose, OP… he knows you'll be snooping and it is his only way to get the message across lol Sorry but YDI
danceoo 0
are you a bitch? you kind of sound like one...
ChuckWaggon 0
Well said, whoever that was. For your husband to label you The Bitch, you probably earned that title. Snoop thru someone's stuff and then complain when you don't like what you find. That IS bitchy. You are probably going to run and Bitch to him about it. Prepare to be known as the The Snoopy ****.