Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML
Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girlfriend if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dialed my number, only to find she had my number saved in her phone as "ASS FACE #3". FML
Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML
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Top comments
pinktiger 0
thats what you get for being nosy
buttseckz 0
Curiosity killed the cat.
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Comments (155)
ItsAshxD 0
Sucks for you.
americayay 0
Why? She's snooping through his stuff. It's probably an accurate title.
The_Pleb 0
Lol hes got good humor count yourself lucky.
iwadasn 33
Verbal abuse is funny now, 32?
ItsAshxD 0
I was being sarcastic. It's not the end of the world. I have my step dad listed as "Rawr T-Rex," because he's always angry. He didn't get mad.
TheTruth1428 0
I agree with 26. There's a very good reason you're labeled as "The Bitch" chances are, OP is a huge one. Way to snoop through someone's things then bitch when you find something you don't like. Typical bitch behavior.
xc700brianX 0
first off....this woman has been pwned secondly pwned o hai there :)
spazzdoodle 0
I think this is more fake than anything. Who the hell calls a number when they're snooping through someone's stuff? Looks up the number, sure, but not call it.
nazooer 11
Oh shut up, 83. Your face is faker than Michael Jackson's.
Dingan 0
Verbal abuse? Wow, someone needs to get laid O_o
Crazee108 3
Yea, you pretty much ARE a bitch if you went through his damn phone.
Panther_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I've seen about 20 FML's that are exactly like this one.... We need some original content people!
EffYoLife 14
U deserved it. stop being a bitch! problem solved #2 get a life...there are thousands of FMLs on here. u shouldnt have time to read so many that you recognize multiples lol
MagicMeds 0
He has like 1500 visits, so to read all of them he would have to read... 4 per visit? Actually it seems like he's just been on here for a long time since they come out in groups of about 4. Btw I agree we get about 3 of these a week, way too often.
Panther_fml 0
#5 You too buddy. All the shit on this site is all repeats. It would be nice to see something new for once.
Panther_fml 0
It doesn't take long to read all of the FML's... They come out in multiples, and I am on this site at least 5 times a day. As #23 said, it isn't hard to notice multiples.... Plus I moderate a lot of FMLs..... What I am trying to say is that it is just getting very boring....
buttseckz 0
Curiosity killed the cat.
easilydistracted 0
fits perfectly. btw, I am not trying to be mean or anything but I found that Hilarious, but I am a feminist so technically I should be offended
TDog3337 12
Or in this case, the "female dog"
EwahWeeWah 21
But satisfaction brought it back.
pinktiger 0
thats what you get for being nosy
forgettingsunday 0
she wasn't being nosey-he's her husband, she should be able to look through his contacts.
Emma Marshall 19
No that's what her husband gets for being a dick
delfinofrank 0
Be like that lady from "the grudge" who killed people. now she was a bitch. And what do expect from japanese people? They all have problems. no wonder they commit suicide so much.
Espion_fml 1
Where the hell did that come from?
perdix 31
Big deal, the custom ringtone I have for my wife in Elton John's "The Bitch Is Back."
girlygirl666 0
Hahaha! My ex has me in his phone as, Evil Woman" by ELO. It's cool, though cause it fits.
girlygirl666 0
Oops, I forgot these. " ,
Gavik 0
YDI, Bitch.
DameGreyWulf 1
Stop nagging, start snagging.
Awnonymous 4
I say "My bitch" all the time, around my girl. She doesn't mind, don't take everything so seriously.
zaknuttall 0
you completely deserve this for looking through his phone. you had no right to go through his private contacts, and you wouldn't know if you hadn't been snooping around. bitch
Kukua 5
Um, whether she looked through his phone or not, her husband refers to her as "The Bitch". Looking through his phone didn't cause that to happen. I'd rather KNOW my husband was calling me a bitch behind my back then not know, so I could leave his loser ass.
lolwatlol 0
If he is calling her a bitch theres probably a reason for it and her going through his private stuff just confirmes it, bitch.
dexterious_goat 0
yeah but you cant b/c your not married.....b/c your a bitch too, so you'll never go through this type of ordeal. if your looking for something you dont want to find, dont be upset when you find it. idiot
starwarsguy330 0
wow dude really? So I cant jokeingly pick up my girlfreinds phone and look at the contacts? And this would be my girlfreind not my wife. Your spouse can look thru the phone, if you have nothing to hide then who gives a shit? If you do, then you shouldnt be married. and your the bitch