Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML
Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girlfriend if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dialed my number, only to find she had my number saved in her phone as "ASS FACE #3". FML
Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML
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Top comments
pinktiger 0
thats what you get for being nosy
buttseckz 0
Curiosity killed the cat.
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Comments (155)
Phoenix_fml 13
Kate Gosselin? Is that really you? And of all the things to post on FML.com, you chose that?
baumunk 0
I think I love you. C:
unpossible 26
Phoenix, your questions were made of win.
kravitzz1990 0
ok i feel bad for you but...... DAMN THAT MADE ME LMAO!!!!!!! hehe sorry :(
zxf18611221 3
It is a joke rather than a story . but I like it .
xApril 0
Seriously.. What if that had been the name of another number? What did you plan to say to that person? Seems fake..
MacintoshDima 0
jessicalawson14 0
Hey, at least you are "THE" Bitch, and not just "a" bitch!
jane99 0
Maybe you're the queen bitch. Bow down!
diet_otaku 0
am i the only one who keeps all my contacts listed as their name?
CandyKissesNum1 0
Ur husband is a jerk but if i were u i would laf it off i thought it was pretty funny, he probably doesnt mean it in a super bad way
xoluvinshayxo 0
take a picture of your middle finger and set it as his caller id