Today, my husband left his phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being very curious, I called "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML
Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girlfriend if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dialed my number, only to find she had my number saved in her phone as "ASS FACE #3". FML
Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML
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Top comments
pinktiger 0
thats what you get for being nosy
buttseckz 0
Curiosity killed the cat.
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Comments (155)
Gargananana 1
Change it to "The Ex." Or stop being a nosy bitch.
Kukua 5
I love that idea. Change it and don't tell him. Then next time he has his phone....call him. :)
dspadres 0
More like **** HIS life that you're such a pain in the ass and that you discovered that on his phone. I'm sure he's going to be hearing about it for the next few months.
thejerk56 8
well stop being a bitch and maybe he'll change it to "that one person."
chakrabs 0
Thats what you get for being a "very curious person"
The_Advice_Guy 0
"Today the bitch who knocks my junk around found out that she is indeed, a huge bitch. She been bitching at me for hours.FML" I hope to see that in a few hours.
BlowYaMind 0
Well, Bitch, pick up your phone. :] Someones calling you. Pick that shit up! Oh well maybe you should stop being a bitch :] "Why don't you go back to your home on ***** Island?" (Anchorman).
Peroxide 3
I killed a man! Yeah I saw that. You might wanna hang low till that whole murder thing blows over.
FPsLife 5
So I see you're posting in Japan. ... Yeah, this sounds about right.
adelaide_evening 0
Because you couldn't just look at the number that "The Bitch" was under? Yeah right. And why would you CALL the person, especially if you didn't know who it was? What were you planning to say? "Umm, hello, I was being a nosy bitch and wanted to see who my husband considered a bitch so we could get together for tea sometime and bitch about the world."
Wrath_fml 0
Exactly right. Nosy bitch deserved it.
hi_from_HI 0
Except she's very likely paying for that loser's phone. And since when is a phone such a highly personal and secret thing?If he thought it was he would have put a lock on it. Douche.
iwadasn 33
This.
ohmygoodnex 0
This this.
Tubasaurus 0
Very likely? What makes you say that?
daemonsparta 16
"very likely" how so? how do you know she hasnt earned that title? you just assume because you are a bitch.
judge_Fred 0
Don't know if you are or not, but still that sucks!