Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML
Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML
Today, my husband scraped his shin while trying to pull down our window blinds. He screamed and shouted at me, because it was "all my fault." How? I opened the blinds the day before, and rolled them up "too high." I'm staying married despite all this toxicity. FML
Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML
Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML
Today, after an argument with my husband, I was sat in the front room calming down when the stupid cat decided she was going to jump up onto me, spilling a full coffee cup over my husband's PS5. He's convinced I did it on purpose after the argument, when it really was all the damn cat's fault FML
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Top comments
writerchic85 26
Throw your husband out the window to test the theory
i_wuz_nver_here 31
This is why cats hate us...
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Comments (115)
writerchic85 26
Throw your husband out the window to test the theory
Zarcissa 34
Depending how strong of a woman OP is and how big man OP's husband is, this might be a hard task. I'm unable to even lift my boyfriend, let alone try to throw him out of a window. :D (He's not overweight, at least not much. I just dont have any upper body strength.)
noparlpf 13
@13: Darn, somebody made my comment already. (I'm a vet student working as a tech at a cat hospital so...)
iHyperModz 22
Die in hell.
writerchic85 26
Thanks for completely ruining the sarcasm of my comment with a technical explanation of why it wouldn't work.
thatonetribute 31
People who are cruel to animals are truly, truly evil. Or your husband is a complete moron.
kbecks87 16
Or both.
Crazyjohnb 23
actually a lot of cats could survive that and he probably knows that. he is just curious
noparlpf 13
@23: Actually, falls from the second story are most dangerous for cats. They don't always have enough time to turn right-side-up and flatten out to slow down if they're that low.
aimbug 42
@23 he's a bloody idiot.
MisstressNicole 20
Curiosity kills the cat, remember.
MagnusDeus 24
The French are odd...
mds9986 24
Actually the 2nd floor window would be worse than a 10+ story window because cats have flaps of skin under their legs(like flying squirrels) that slow their descent. However, it takes a bit for them to orient themselves to safely get into position for it to take effect. It effectively slows their terminal velocity enough for it to not be lethal.
Setareh23 34
One of my elderly teachers once dropped his cat out of the second story window. His classroom was usually first floor and he was used to letting his cat out mid-class, but this one day they moved him to second floor for some temporary work. Half-way through, he picked up his cat mid-lecture and tossed it out the window before any of us had time to react. Cat limped for a bit, but was otherwise fine. He never made that mistake again though! Poor kitty.
AnyaS 19
Mistake? Throwing your cat out a window? That cat should've been taken from him!
Setareh23 34
I know, I know, it was pretty bad. The look on his face when he realized what he'd done... to be fair though, it really was an accident (not malicious intent). He was just a really elderly teacher, who had been teaching in that same classroom every day for over a decade, and every day he would let his cat out mid-lecture. I think routine just got the best of him. Like I said though, he never did it again and his cat still loves him very much (been with him many years now). I'd prefer the cat be in his hands, then sent to a pound and eventually put down.
TheInvisibleOne 31
If he was being serious, that's cruelty and you should be careful of him.
LoverWordsFood 27
I really hate to answer this but, they will land on all fours but will either be okay or limp for awhile. I only know this because of my cousins children did this to one of her sisters, their aunts, cats. Basically both aunts were watching our nephews and niece while mom and dad finally had a date night so the kids and she and I were all one the couch watching a movie. One of the boys excused himself to go to the bathroom and about 5 minutes later one of the boys left to go so the same thing. Basically didn't know anything that was going on til we heard yelling and laughter and followed their trail. It's been 3 years and the boys are not allowed back at the house.
hardcorefan16 22
Is your husband an idiot? Who does that besides maybe a kid?
itsme82 18
That's sick.. Even if he wasn't being serious. There's something really wrong with you if you can make a joke like that. Oh and if someone even "joked" about doing something like this to my cats. I would lay them flat on their ass.
praesidiem 16
I'm gonna throw your cat out a window
scyth3s 13
If you can't handle a joke, I'll knock you flat on your ass.
classicman007 4
Sounds like fun