Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML
Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
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Top comments
McMike10 1
Maybe he thought you looked fetching
saintdalman 4
Do you do tricks with peanut butter too?
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Comments (130)
ViperGTSkank 0
This is one of the few fmls I have read that has blatantly made me bellow with laughter. Good one.
kara2996 0
My boyfriend did the same thing to me. Because he's used to his dog twitching in his sleep that it's not weird that I do it. Awkk
syfool 4
Gross.
BlueBug94 4
Hahaha gotta love what husbands say. Instead of kids say the darenest things for you it's husbands say the darenest things
MyS3lf 24
Not to be mean or anything, but that made me laugh out loud.
Twisted_Angel 17
OMG, my dog does that shit. Hopefully yours don't smell like you shit yourself. That's funny, but kinda sad.
mymelin 5
Eh... Nothing major
zojieeu 6
Can I know what movies you had been?
slicklol 7
Stolen from family guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brian does it !
badactor009 0
Change your diet, gas bag.