Martial artist

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

Fear Factor

Today, at 28 years-old, I broke the first ever bone in my body. I broke a metacarpal in my hand by going down an inflatable waterside at a children's birthday party. FML

Inappropriate Billy Joel

Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML

Ouch

Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

Nervous

Today, I sat down to discuss wanting a promotion and ended up getting so nervous that I broke down crying in front of my boss. FML

Today, I had my first concert and was really anxious about screwing up my performance. Good news: I played fine. Bad news: as I walked off the stage, I tripped over my own feet, face-planted the floor, and busted my nose open. FML

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

I'm not paid enough for this

Today, while helping a child through a tantrum, I was kicked and my hand broke. The bone is completely in half and fixing it will require plates, screws, and surgery along with months of recovery. Another day on the job. FML