Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML
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Top comments
dalink 24
So so so disgusting... And unhygienic.
Black_Rose97 9
well isnt that a load of crap... anyone?
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Comments (188)
branditheferret 4
I believe the actual term for this is a blumpkin...
BadKitty13 28
EWE that's so wrong on so many levels. hope you said NO
The1CalledGOAT 11
I always thought an ewe was a type of animal, unlike eww which is sorta like disgusting...
Hiimhaileypotter 53
yeah, what do female sheep have to do with this? :p
Death69 24
Hope you didn't fall for that shit?!
AngrySailor 17
If he was had te nerve to pressure for a blumpkin, he should have gone all out and asked to have a cheeseburger and a beer in his hands while you did it...
AngrySailor 17
Wow that first sentence was a disaster...
arroberts 10
lol @ disrespectful husband
Zebediabolical 45
Well? Did it work?
Esperaanza_hope 7
Well, that's probably the nastiest thing I have heard today! Blumpkin for you, pumpkin?
TheDoctor14 5
The technical term is a blumpkin, don't ask me how I know. It's a disgusting thing and I had no idea people actually received and gave those
Brando23 13
Why would you do that? You have to wait after marriage to have sex. 48 hours ATLEAST after marriage before you can sex so you know the marriage is real
iluvpeanutbutter 22
What are you even talking about?
illegalbeagle69 23
You don't HAVE to wait until marriage to have sex. It's a choice made usually based upon someone's religious beliefs or lack thereof. And 48 hours? as soon as I'm married I'm getting it done as soon as possible because I do plan on waiting. Well this comment was a waste of my time, and is as irrelevant to the FML as Brando23's. Dumbass.
Brando23 13
You should know I'm probably sexier and smarter than you. I will welcome you to the potty kk
creedaddict 9
He wanted a blumkin