Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was texting my crush and I wanted to send him a cute emoji to show I was thinking of him. Instead of sending the "heart eyes" emoji, I hit the "poop" emoji. The worst part? He responded with, "Yeah, I'm a piece of shit, thanks for reminding me." FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
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Top comments
kyu_Q 19
when you have to go, you have to go
PackardBell_fml 19
Try waiting until a better time when he isn't in bed. He may have not been in the mood at the time.
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Comments (28)
kyu_Q 19
when you have to go, you have to go
PackardBell_fml 19
Try waiting until a better time when he isn't in bed. He may have not been in the mood at the time.
littleflowertje 13
U kidding me? It sounded like he was in the mood to me. Huh.
SubparAtBest 23
well, to me it seemed like he was more in the mood to take a shit, but hey if that's what you like more power too ya.
Lalala579121 28
5 - It sounded like he was in the mood earlier when he brought it up. But OP said she tried it "later".
RememberSchlitz 9
Things change over time. But no worries: this, too, shall pass.
spookyboy 20
What a shitty pick up line he had
Eldslibo 20
Maybe that kind of answers is why you stopped sexting each other in the first place? Or maybe it just wasn't the right time.
Rabite 28
Sexting when you are living together and both are home seems like a bad idea. I think not being in the next room is one of the main points of sexting. Plus your husband could sext while being on the toilet which he probably did lots of times when you were dating ;)
doemetoch 28
And there I was, thinking that if you get to the point in a relationship where you decide to get married, you're automatically at the point where you're comfortable pooping in front of each other.
Rabite 28
Yeah, but not if you are taking a nice, good-smelling bath D:
mnshdw818 3
I've been married for 15 years and my husband and I have no desire to share bathroom time. Just because you're married or together for a long period doesn't automatically mean boundaries are magically erased.
mfmylifesrsly 30
Some couples don't mind going to the bathroom in front of their partner, some do mind. To each their own.
CountZiggenpuss 7
Sounds like you guys are an extremely normal married couple to me...
BigDave469 15
This sounds like me and my wife all the time, except she is the one that has to "go"
lilithfury 23
Since you were in the bath, and he was alone and relaxing in bed, he probably took that time to fap, and wasn't horny anymore when you decided to sext. By then he was sleepy, and thinking of other needs.....like pooping.