Today, while taking out a jar of mayonnaise, it slipped from my hand, landing on its lid, exploding, and covering both of my dogs from head to tail in it. Terrified, they fled, leaving a trail of globs of mayo. After cleaning both dogs and the house, they both threw up from eating too much mayonnaise. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I made dinner for myself after a long day full of annoying family drama. I had the pan sizzling away when I went to grab some herbs from the fridge. As I turned around, I tripped on the rug, sending the entire frying pan of food flying into the air. It landed directly in front of my never-endingly hungry dogs, so I watched as my ruined dinner disappeared. FML
Today, one of my dogs spilled half my coffee at home. My other dog drank the rest of it. Went to Starbucks later, picked my coffee up off the counter, and the lid popped off, spilling all over the counter, floor and my hand. While they were making me a new one, I dropped my sandwich on the floor. FML
Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I started a new job and wanted to seem organized, so I brought a homemade lunch in a container. I went to heat it up, but forgot to remove the lid completely. The container exploded in the microwave, covering the inside with sauce. I spent my lunch break cleaning it while my coworkers smirked. FML
Today, I was cleaning my lazy son’s bedroom when I knocked a full cup out the window, complete with a layer of mould. It landed on the dog, covering him in mouldy, milky coffee. He ran inside, shook it off everywhere, then rolled around to really make sure it was smushed deep into the carpet fibres. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
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Top comments
2simz 25
What I'm wondering is how big your jar of mayo was
aimbug 42
That's kind of like saying don't use doors when you accidentally jam your finger.
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Comments (17)
tayyymeds 16
Well on the bright side, at least it didn't come out of the other end too...
SpyroMello 29
I'd prefer that end tbh
danielcho7727 20
Next time, don't buy mayonnaise!!
aimbug 42
That's kind of like saying don't use doors when you accidentally jam your finger.
Dr_Awesome654 24
But doors don't fill you with diabetes
InfiniteSunshine 32
How much Mayo do you think people eat, just right out of the jar by the spoonful? It's a condiment only good on certain things, if you don't have too much, it won't hurt you. Everything in moderation.
sweetbliss3 37
diabetes? from Mayo? and here I thought you got diabetes bc your pancreas gets all whacky.
2simz 25
What I'm wondering is how big your jar of mayo was
Jay703 7
hey there 2simz! this is OP, wow didnt think i'd make it to main page! to answer your question, it was kraft mayo w/olive oil, 30 oz bottle. its PLASTIC... but i have ceramic tile floors. Try it if you doubt me. Word to the wise, do it outside. TRUST ME. Plastic condiment lids break into many pieces when dropped on tile.I just wanted to share my misfortune. ☺
aimbug 42
These things were sent to try us, Op. I think you handled it very well.
TheSoullessJew 8
I have terrible morning sickness, and this FML just triggered it. Fyl, though, OP, accidents happen, but mayo-vomit sounds particularly awful.
montsecc 8
You're five years old?lol
confused_wandere 26
...What?
Lalala579121 28
Are you trying to suggest that only five year olds drop things or something? I don't get it.
Malsain_fml 10
It could have been worse! As I was reading the fml, I was expecting the dogs to panic and cut themselves several time trying to take of pieces of glass. I'm glad I was wrong, though.
firemuncher 19
this is why i get plastic mayo containers you know the one you squeeze
cootiequeen4444 11
tbh I didn't think they made glass jars of mayonnaise anymore.. just plastic. and I was also thinking how landing on the lid side down might actually prevent it from shattering? maybe? And was this like an economy sized jar of mayonnaise 'sploding on 2 chihuahuas? long story short this FML baffles me.. a lot of them do now that I think about it...
puppies4life 10
That's really bad but I have to say this is the funniest fml I've read in a long time
bickdig69 8
I dont know some of them can be pretty funny
Nerd_With_Time 7
I feel bad for laughing at this, like I'm sure it must have really sucked but its also ******* hilarious. F your life man.