Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I got into a stupid argument with an internet troll, who ended up making me so furious that I threw my laptop straight through my window. My dad will be home any minute. I'm a dead man. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML
Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML
Today, my wife threw my Macbook out a window and tore up important work documents, all because she saw me talking to a female colleague of mine. I confronted her about the damage, and she responded, "Go ask the bitch you were with the other day to help you with that." FML
Today, we had an argument and my husband called my mother right in front me. Two minutes later, she was on his side and yelling at me on FaceTime that I’m a bad wife, a pain in the ass, and a nagging bitch. The argument was about him leaving tools around for me to step on and cut my foot open with. FML
Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
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Top comments
HSOMGF 5
You're on here bragging that you almost hit your husband with a laptop? Get some help, please.
suavesuave 2
If it was the guy hitting his wife with a laptop the comments would be much different
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Comments (226)
HSOMGF 5
You're on here bragging that you almost hit your husband with a laptop? Get some help, please.
Jirekianu2 19
The fact people like op expect ******* sympathy for being abusive and being embarassed makes me lose faith in humanity
flame2011 6
Cool neighbor! Better than that neighbor calling the cops on you two. Or screaming at you to shut up.
downtime 13
Wait, so its BETTER that the neighbour egged her on rather than calling the police in a case of domestic abuse? It must suck to live wherever you are...
LoganRave 0
Ur an idiot
suavesuave 2
If it was the guy hitting his wife with a laptop the comments would be much different
onlychildFTW 34
I'll have to agree with you there.
Pufferfish78 5
Yes, pretty sad eh? I don't think it's right either way. Man shouldn't hit a woman, woman shouldn't hit a man.
VaanBasch 1
And laptops shouldn't be used as weapons. Unless it's a Macbook.
LouisianaBob 9
but not a macbook air, too much collateral damage.
dogpup4 23
I read it wrong and thought it meant the husband was going to hit her with the laptop.. I agree, just as bad if its the woman hitting the man.
Kraft92 8
You're one of those people that thinking hitting someone while in an argument, instead of just talking, is okay, aren't you?
StoryOfTheYear 15
So this is what they were talking about when they said we would have high tech weaponry sooner rather than later.
bighood24 17
Win haha
sidkid008 0
The coolest neighbor ever!!!
MLK12345 4
For some reason I imagined the neighbor as the," Sittin' On tha Toilet" girl.
FYLDeep 26
First thing to point out here is that assault is a crime. I would advise against assaulting people you're arguing with. Now that we're past that part, why the hell would you attack someone a laptop? Couldn't you use something cheap and effective like a wooden stick? I'm beginning to think that your husband deserves to win the argument, because I doubt you possess the reasoning skills necessary to successfully win an argument. Unless maybe you were arguing about which one of you is better at succumbing to emotions and making an ass out of yourself.
MwahFMLS 6
You leave the longest comments, I swear. /:
FYLDeep 26
I was afraid of that. That's why I selectively omitted the word "with" from my previous comment to keep it from surpassing the upper threshold of words simple-folks can comprehend at a given time. Don't tell anyone though.
chlorinegreen 27
^^WIN
zack11742 7
HAHAHAHA best comment ever!!!
iPeterPan 8
If it were the other way round you'd be pleading abuse.
yummcookie 0
If she's using a weapon I'd say he can use his fists. I'd never hit a woman but I know of she did that I'd not feel so bad for it :P
murdersquirrel 15
No no...in no way is domestic violence justifiable. Just because a woman hits you doesn't give you a free pass to use your fists. And just because a man hits a woman, that doesn't make it ok for her to attack him with computers. See how that works? Using violence isn't ok. OP or her husband could've and should've walked away and let things cool off.
cradle6 13
Violence is okay if you need to defend yourself. If a male is beating a woman, absolutely she should grab whatever she can to defend herself and get out of the situation (and vice versa). Otherwise, don't ever initiate violence.
slimjim8094 12
I don't know about that. I like to think that the woman I marry wouldn't even think to do something like this, but a single instance of physical violence (by either of us) would be a divorce. But if I took a blow to the head by a laptop from *anyone*, I'd be knocking their ass down before they did it to me. People don't hit me and get to keep trying.
murdersquirrel 15
129 - I think self-defense is different than escalating a heated argument. I just don't believe it's ok to lose control, referring to the using fists comment.
onlychildFTW 34
Assaulting someone is never the answer. Whether they deserve it or not. Let alone with a computer. You'll break his skull, go to jail, AND have no laptop.
axel720 3
Wait, how is this an fml?
THE_A_TEEN 28
It sort of is, but it's more in the YDI range because she stupidly try to assult her husband with a laptop.