Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML
Today, I saw my 89 year-old grandmother naked. She just moved in with us and apparently, she has an "open door policy." FML
Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML
Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my grandmother refused to wear clothes. FML
Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML
Today, my grandma was leaning over in front of me, vacuuming, while wearing a V-neck shirt. Out of instinct, I glanced at her chest. She's 75. I checked out my 75 year-old grandma. FML
Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML
Today, my grandmother ripped her pants. We all got a big view of her pink thong. FML
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Top comments
StanSmith_fml 9
Grandparents. They say the truth, even if it hurts.
Kajol123 5
At least she acknowledged you....unlike mine :/ baby steps, OP
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Comments (150)
StanSmith_fml 9
Grandparents. They say the truth, even if it hurts.
blcksocks 19
I know. My grandpa taught me the F word when I was a kid.
reddawn1985 12
Grandmas a boss
ilovesuju 10
OP she's just jelous she can't pull off tight shirts
DazedSiren 5
It's true man, maybe try not dressing like a *****?
vanessaizawesome 8
Yeah grandparents are EXTREMELY truthful!! My grandmother came up to me and said to stop dressing like a **** all the time
smileeee_fml 0
Amen
oneFUCKINword 8
And they wonder why our generation is so bad! Look who's teaching us.
TommyRaven 2
I read your comment with Stan's voice in my head. Goes well together.
MrBrightside21 20
I honestly don't care what my grandma says about me. Her cookies are ******* delicious!
reddawn1985 12
Your grandmas a boss
thatssomeBS 9
Condoms are supposed to be tight?
ILoveZombieBoys 13
You get a like just for having American Dad picture
melrose90210 10
At least you're using protection :)
Nightmayre 7
And tight clothes are protection...how?
crazycatloverr 7
Well technicaly any kind of clothing is a form of protection, just not how you mean it.
Haven74 6
Well, tight clothes *could* be a sexual deterrent ...if the one removing the clothes has ADD, gets frustrated & gives up easily because they're too tight to be removed easily.
hatesfate 6
^or if the one wearing them is fat
ZX6Rninja 0
If the chick is in shape i dont think tight clothes would be protection at all, actually quite the opposite.
Mauskau 36
66 I hope your pic isn't you and I hope that is not a real tattoo on the tongue...
melrose90210 10
Alright so I skimmed it and made a mistake.
a_purple_orange 4
Just like your parents! Except for the skimming....
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
LMFAO Yes 93, yes. That was awesome I'm sorry
bubbywaldo 0
Oh my gosh you humor impaired people she's wearing protection because her grandma said her clothes are as tight as a condom! Get it? Get it? That was an excellent comment!
Haven74 6
113 - I'm not quite sure why you would hope the picture is not me or why you would give a crap one way or the other about it. The picture is me, although the "tattoo" on my tongue is NOT real, it was tattoo candy that melts on the tongue. One of my kids received them in a goodie bag and wanted to share.
Kajol123 5
At least she acknowledged you....unlike mine :/ baby steps, OP
sleepinginclass 8
What about bob?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
The builder? He's sulking because Handy Mandy does his job for half the pay.
Axipiter 24
The correct response is "What ABOUT Bob?"
ReesieBanana21 12
What a dickk. No offence granny! ;)
charvisioku 22
Cantankerous old bitch xD
Redoxx_fml 22
She has such a way with words
boofgall 16
Hilarious though, holy shit!
Jordan740 6
If she said that to me, her ass would be in a nursing home.
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
Is that how they treat the elderly in "Purple Kush, USA"?
Jordan740 6
If the particular elderly person is an ass, then yes.
leprechaun23 15
People like Jordan give this generation a bad reputation
rosesofash860 8
And people like that grandma give her generation a bad reputation. There's two side to that coin!
Jordan740 6
People like Jack seem to think they're the shit, for no good reason
leprechaun23 15
Jack never said that, he just doesnt like potheads like josh smearing our generation's reputation
leprechaun23 15
Jack also likes talking in third person
emba_fml 13
/: how disrespectful, #5. however, #76, i don't see what him being a pothead has to do with anything whatsoever.
hatesfate 6
5 - I'm sure if at 14 you tried to send your grandmother to a nursing home because you were dressed like a hooker on half off night that your parents would send you to social services. ;-) Also wtf is "Agriculter"?
ImaginaryFoe 1
Because nursing homes are prisons where you can send people for being mean? I think you're a dumbass. Where are you gonna send me?
emba_fml 13
/: how disrespectful, #5. however, #76, i don't see what him being a pothead has to do with anything whatsoever
emba_fml 13
o: sorry for the weird, spaced out double post, everyone
louiseth 9
94 I think The Agriculter is the cow in charge of recruiting and training calves for battle once they're 11 weeks old, so that they may join their cult and eventually, when the army has been built up, they'll rise up against humanity with all the power of the great Evan, god of livestock.
skittlestrailmix 14
She might have dementia, don't be a jerk.
bowser_rawr16 13
Ouch. I'm sorry OP. Maybe your grandma is just very cranky?
reallytho3 11
Or just bitchy... One way or the other fyl op
melikeyturtles 3
Im guessing it will be years before you want to see her again.
melikeyturtles 3
Im guessing it will be years before you want to see her again.
IndyJustin 4
way to put the same comment twice
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
15- I'm sure she posted it twice deliberately. Just to get under your skin.
IndyJustin 4
Ahhh grandparents nowadays
mariah_victoria 0
Lol right! Btw you look stoned as hell in your pic. Loooool
Calyx_fml 22
She's jealous that you're still attractive while she's a wrinkly old prune with a bitchy attitude who couldn't get laid if she paid for it. Tell her than and she'll shut up.
Rabidkid 14
That my friend is awesome :)
JOcoco 14
10 - Your comment reminded me of 'Yes Man'...now there's an old woman that nows how to get laid...