Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter out to eat. Halfway through our "date" she asks me loudly, "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML
Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ouch man. Thank god people were just glaring and laughing.
stfuminjakid 0
Awe. Kids say the funniest things, like my 6 year old niece has words she can't say properly. For instance instead of saying directions she says erections lmao they honestly don't know what their really saying til their older.
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Comments (98)
wh0regasm 0
talk about awkward I'm sorry for ya :/
rukusrazor 0
I love how if there is a FML involving or even mentioning a kid, people post how much they hate kids. /That will change btw. I didn't think it would for me, but it did. You'll see.
core01 30
It did not
steph_darling 0
#27 why do you call fake automatically? if you've ever heard little kids speak, most of the time they make absolutely no sense, use terrible grammar, or are so vague you have no idea what they are saying. and this kid is probably no exception. but lucky for the OP for not getting busted =)
lackofcolour 0
#27, it's a little kid, most of them don't speak properly.
iamspartacus2 0
#7, you are hands-down the dumbest person I have ever interacted with. Her mother was sick. So her mother's boyfriend took her out to eat to get her out of the house and get her some food.
perfectwinds 0
Kids... Hahaha! That's so great!
happygoluckyhh 0
I agree!! Number 7 is an idiot. THE MOM IS IN BED. And how is this not an FML? The kid made him look bad.
exile529 0
haha, FYL.
redbluegreen 41
Gotta love children... That's all I have to say.
xstaticdelta 6
im practically choking with laughter on this on btw FYL that sux man my sympathies