Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter out to eat. Halfway through our "date" she asks me loudly, "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML
Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ouch man. Thank god people were just glaring and laughing.
stfuminjakid 0
Awe. Kids say the funniest things, like my 6 year old niece has words she can't say properly. For instance instead of saying directions she says erections lmao they honestly don't know what their really saying til their older.
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Comments (98)
PureGold 0
WOW haha, you really never know what kids will say. xP At least no one tried to sick the police on you...some people would actually take that seriously. That would've sucked.
genius_man16 1
thank you #19 stupid people make me RAAAAAGGGEEEEEEEEE
gvschmidt94 0
Dude that sucks so harddddddddd. I'd feel like the dude from role models. NO I DON'T WANT TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF
rukusrazor 0
Where's Bill Cosby to mumble something and do his weird laugh when you need him.
pancakelover 0
Lol! I hate kids...
comment_guy 0
he is NOT lucky he didn't get arrested (granted, getting arrested would be unlucky.) 99% of people know that 5 year olds know nothing about sex, or taking clothes off, unless it's a shower or they're changing or something
PhishloverA 14
#26, you'd be surprised. Stupid people can teach little kids inappropriate things. You're right though, OP isn't lucky he didn't get arrested. Nobody should've been glaring at him
Devin_Duke 0
Why would she refer to her toy dog as "our"?? What the hell? When she says "our" she's obviously including herself and the person she's talking to. This is fake
omg009 0
yeah ouch man....ouch as stated before at least no one thought you were some creepy pervert and sicked the police on you, that would have sucked
almostouttt 0
omgg im mumber 28 !! anyway this made me lol . fyl .
Amkii 0
I lol'd really hard at this. Why would she say 'our'?