Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter out to eat. Halfway through our "date" she asks me loudly, "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML
Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ouch man. Thank god people were just glaring and laughing.
stfuminjakid 0
Awe. Kids say the funniest things, like my 6 year old niece has words she can't say properly. For instance instead of saying directions she says erections lmao they honestly don't know what their really saying til their older.
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Comments (98)
gtdoll 0
Hahaaha @ 56 This made me laugh so hard!!! I would have called the police though
gtdoll 0
LOL @ 56 By the way this made me laugh sooooo hard!!! I would have called the cops.
Petorious09 0
damn that's awkward
MissCajun 0
Kids say the darnedest things lol
MissCajun 0
@#7 His GIRLFRIEND was sick, so he took her 5 year old out to eat. Not her...
Mugen_fml 0
PEDOBEAR STRIKES AGAIN! lol. That sux yo. I agree with #80
GIJoeman 0
Ummm, why the hell was your face on fire? You should probably get that checked out.
VroomVroomVroom 0
HAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHA
XXMeowmeowmeowXX 0
At least some people found humor in it.
thelonelylurker 0
Hahaha that's cute.