Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter out to eat. Halfway through our "date" she asks me loudly, "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML
Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML
Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML
Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
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Top comments
SP63_fml 0
Ouch man. Thank god people were just glaring and laughing.
stfuminjakid 0
Awe. Kids say the funniest things, like my 6 year old niece has words she can't say properly. For instance instead of saying directions she says erections lmao they honestly don't know what their really saying til their older.
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Comments (98)
stfuminjakid 0
Awe. Kids say the funniest things, like my 6 year old niece has words she can't say properly. For instance instead of saying directions she says erections lmao they honestly don't know what their really saying til their older.
pixierara 28
My brother used to say f*** instead of truck. Guess what his favorite toys to play with were...
mandadanyele 0
Ha. Lucky they only laughed and glared. Seriously...
genius_man16 1
#7 the MOM was sick. the OP took the DAUGHTER out. stupid people make me rage also, that sucks OP, but you're lucky someone didn't call the police, i probably would have if i heard her say that. Unless you made it clear to the crowd she meant the toy.
Fisshie 0
Oh man, kids say the darnest things!! ;D
morbidX 4
Sorry about the thumbs down I gave, my iPods sensitivity is over 9000. I meant to hit thumbs up ;(
shattap 0
#13, it wasn't the mom, it was the girlfriend.
ChibiGirl5 0
wow seriously the girlfriend has a 5 rear old DAUGHTER so that would make her a MOTHER duhhhhh
ChibiGirl5 0
year* sorry
99hi66 0
lololol same thing happened to my aunt and my younger sister.
cough 0
Maybe OP actually IS a sick twisted perv and only posted this story as "evidence" of his innocence
AreYouRetarded 4
I love that your name is just... cough xD
Invisable_No_one 0
hahahaha i hope she told her mother how your little luncch plans went lol that would be even more FML if ur GF herd and broke up wit u cause of it
ArtsySwag 0
#15... the girlfriend is the girl's MOTHER...
klumzy_k 0
dude , your lucky you didn't get arrested... though that would have made this FML even more of an FYL if you had been arrested..