Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
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Top comments
sobstory10000 17
It's now time to tear up that relationship with both of them
Morning_fml 22
I'm going to say what everyone's going to say: dump that disloyal bitch and find a new best friend.
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Comments (182)
StickyPickles 33
Send him to the hospital with the same injury but much more severe.
Jial1796 6
What an a-hole..................
born_hustla 26
You never had a girl or a best friend. Sorry bro! Now you know not to assign those titles to anybody.
kenzie_gauche 12
Don't you mean ex-girlfriend
Monika444 1
Crazy coincidence: I have an anal fissure atm from constipation. So unless she told you, don't jump to conclusions. They're usually caused by constipation.
lidool_zoppy 8
better make that your ex friend and ex girlfriend!
Burek8 0
Test
vampire9545 5
sorry to hear about your break up.
Talented73 54
Rectum? Damn near killed um!
SaltyLurker 10
This is why straight people should stick to vaginal x)) lmfao