Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, my mother brought home dinner for four people. I was not one of those people. The dog, however, was. FML
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I spent hours baking a multi-layered, detailed cake from scratch for my mom's birthday. It took two seconds for my dog to devour the cake while I picked up a spoon I dropped on the floor. FML
Today, I invited a friend over for dinner and spent hours preparing a fancy meal. When I opened the door, he walked in with his new girlfriend, his mom, his sister, and his dog. I barely had enough food for one, let alone five. I ended up serving my fancy meal on paper plates. FML
Today, I'm dog-sitting. To give the pooches some exercise, I took them on a long walk through the fields, where they run, play, and sniff around to their hearts’ content. Thirty seconds after coming back home, one of them made a ginormous puddle right on my living room floor. FML
Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML
Today, I told my mom that the puppy she was cuddling had a piece of dried poo stuck to its butt. Her reaction was to pluck the poo with her bare hands, put it on the coffee table next to my food, and continue cuddling. FML
Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML
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Top comments
Capt_Obvious 11
Next time, make the dog part of the meal and call it a 'foreign delight'
JustJumped 22
I hope you declined the invitation
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Comments (64)
kl08 12
time to spike the dindin with a laxative! ;)
Capt_Obvious 11
That would just make the dog pee and poop on the shoes, win/lose.
domolovesyoshi 33
yes, why don't we just kill the dog instead. he could just move the shoes to a higher place
spoo 24
CHOCO LATE
Capt_Obvious 11
Next time, make the dog part of the meal and call it a 'foreign delight'
ChenEighty 20
"I made it for him, if only he were here to enjoy it.. Oh wait, he is~!"
feelingold 18
Korean special
CobraLazerFace 21
Today, YOU are the secret ingredient!
JustJumped 22
I hope you declined the invitation
illegalbeagle69 23
Or go over and make the gourmet pet food and make the mother a gourmet meal... and switch them.
kernelkat 16
Hey maybe that can be your niche! Embrace it.
91hayek 31
I agree. Gourmet pet food is very trendy now and if you can do it well, you'll be able to make a killing. You've got your guinea pig right there to test on, so try some things out on it.
whythankyou 19
I hope your mother pays for the ingredients atleast.
spoo 24
She did, didnt she? Its not everyday you eat Pomeranian. Ask her to step out of the house while you cook so she can be suprised
ChenEighty 20
Prove yourself, or drug the dog. There's two winning scenarios here.
energizerbunny23 18
Hide your shoes
Enslaved 38
After watching the movie "Prince of Tides" I found out that even dog food can be made gourmet! Be sure to save mom a plate!
Crazynocatlady 22
Doesn't that just piss you off?!
9echo 17
Nope, but bad puns sure do.
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Could you at least try to put some effort into--- oh, that's right. Homer said "trying is the first step towards failure" Well, you fail anyway.
Crazynocatlady 22
"So I tried and I failed miserably. The moral of the story is, never try."
dutchy86 20
give the beast something that makes it fart (all day long) ;)