Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
That's when you say "yes, it has a boo-boo, will you kiss and make it better?"
misspulkadot24 17
Which cheek?
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Comments (118)
TheCaramelKing 11
Which cheek did OP's girlfriend pinch?
havok87 11
Too comfortable
funguy555 6
U must've been in a crappy mood afterwords
happyfingers 15
Well that was rude of her. I've been in the bathroom while my boyfriend was using it. Many times. But if he ever said he was uncomfortable with me being in there I'd leave. To make fun of him for that is pretty disrespectful...
Yibeyy 4
If she can handle your dumbs , then shes a keeper!
Watever_B 5
That's something I'll do to my boyfriend ! Soo cute !! Lol
DrummerWS 23
Run
xblaine 17
Which cheek?
Ksweety_fml 27
How can she walk in there smelling you're shit. Ew...
monnanon 14
unless op was squatting im guessing his face.