Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
That's when you say "yes, it has a boo-boo, will you kiss and make it better?"
misspulkadot24 17
Which cheek?
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Comments (118)
icepick23 12
Have to get used to it someday...
lisamarcella 14
Have to appreciate that name! Sounds like they have a fun relationship, and at least OP knows she's comfortable around him :)
alfred07 18
Don't you have a lock on your bathroom door?
Knighthawk876 2
Just saying if a guy did that he would have gotten slapped across the face.
Purpleblock98 1
Which cheek?
Vlen_fml 20
i do not understand people who invade something so private. then again i can't even go if someone's making noise outside the door.
lilushi 8
Sounds like me and my boyfriend except for the fact when I've been on the toilet he's both splashed water on me and tried to stick his dick in my mouth.
midamisenju 12
Awwww shes a keeper
americanezio 10
Bhahahahahahaha love that