Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
hghrider123456 9
That's when you say "yes, it has a boo-boo, will you kiss and make it better?"
misspulkadot24 17
Which cheek?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (118)
Xotoolyxo 16
Sounds like she's a little too comfortable. Try locking the bathroom door next time
cookiebaby1135 6
(Tip:lock the door next time)
truepanda 2
thats gross. couldnt she even smelled it?
martin8337 36
Unless he farts and poops flowers.
aprilmulder 8
Now... That's just messed up :O
Winterizer 2
Which cheek?
thatguy240 27
your butt cheek
animalcaretaker 3
hopefully your facial cheeks :P
StarrliteFire 7
You don't know how to lock a door??
meirginsburg18 10
tip lock the ******* door
TogeBara 12
1. lock the door or YDI 2. Need to have a talk with your girl about personal space 3. for some couples this is a normal thing and you should establish whether or not this is ok, when moving in together...before you actually have this sort of issue come up. my girl and i are looking for a place now, but we decided this was no ok a long time ago