Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
That's when you say "yes, it has a boo-boo, will you kiss and make it better?"
misspulkadot24 17
Which cheek?
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Comments (118)
zoegirl_455 30
Plucking eyebrows? Fine. Pinching your cheek? Now that's uncomfortable.
Caitie_kid 8
At least he doesn't have to fish his poo out of the toilet and hide it if the toilet doesn't flush.
miura_fml 17
How about locking the door next time then?
drshn 22
smart one girl..
miura_fml 17
Obviously since OP didn't think of it
jkmartinjk 16
Here's a shocking fact: not all bathroom doors have locks! :O
joopjoop 19
shocking fact! you can buy a locking doorknob for under 20$ and install it with a simple screwdriver if you are concerned about your privacy!
doodlecloud 27
Maybe he didn't think he'd need that because he wasn't expecting her to come and start plucking her god damn eyebrows! I mean, are there no other mirrors in the house?
Cluricaun 5
lol man up! at least she is laid back and comfortable with you sound like a keeper
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
I've never understood this "man up" nonsense. Are men not allowed to feel uncomfortable?
threer 30
I second that. Men should be able to feel whatever they want and express themselves. Why should women be able to be in a traditional 'man's role' if men can't do the same with traditional 'women's roles'?
sunnyray812 42
That's annoying.
awkwardloveannie 28
if you guys lived together I guess she assumed you were comfortable around her that way
Stazza11 27
I have lived with my now fiance for a good 8 months, I'm certainly not comfortable snapping one off in front of her.
imaCONartist 15
I'm gonna have to agree. I've lived with my boyfriend for 5 years and I'm plenty comfortable around him, but (for me, at least) there has to be some kind of limit.
Tyyeezyjr 13
That's pretty "cheeky"
150493x 29
No
Stazza11 27
Run OP, RUN! Haha
olpally 33
What a creepy thing to do. How old does she think you are? 4? Lol.
Lili_love 14
which cheek?
WaBrewer 11
Put a ring on it!