Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML
Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I got home from a long day at work, hoping to just fix dinner and relax, only to find that my cat had come into the house with a rabbit, and is now stuck underneath the cabinet. FML
Today, I secretly took a day off work, since I had to use up my vacation, and wanted a "me day." My wife called, and I was ready to pretend to be at work. Too bad the cat decided to come up behind me and meow loudly, alerting my wife that I was home. She's pissed. FML
Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway between our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking, eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML
Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML
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Top comments
billiejoeinabox 7
I don't see a downside to this.
glabberfasted 16
You got out of work early AND you get to play with a bunny? Sounds like a good day to me
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Comments (90)
TheReader0996 10
#15 I shouldn't have chuckled as much as I did
dachayke 16
47, Po-Ta-Toes!
TheCrispyCat 20
That is ******* awesome.
kozzard 17
You stupid fat hobbitsis you ruins it
KatNamanski 16
I almost think you should break up with her, or at least have a talk with her about what are and are not good reasons to leave work. You basically just threw money away to see a bunny. She could have just surprised you when you got home from work.
beanthemouse 13
And you think it is okay that he left work for what he thought was sex?
ace_arnie 7
Now make her give you her kitty.
Vlen_fml 20
OP should regularly mutter rabbit recipes under his breath.
Dinonick 15
That would be the greatest surprise ever next to a puppy of course. How could you be disappointing with a freakin bunny man?
TheMystery13 13
First of all, animals are always good. Animal abuse should be a capital offense, so don't do anything mean to the bunny. The bunny is innocent. And pretending to make rabbit stew is just bad taste. Instead, follow this formula: x = Total money lost by leaving work early y = Total rabbit expenses (animal itself, cage, water bottle, food, etc.) a = Girlfriend's hourly wages b = Girlfriend's hours of service (x-y)/x = a x/a = b The larger the chunk y took out of x, the lower a will be, and thus the higher b will be. Make your girlfriend work for b hours and you're even! (And you don't have to give her sexual chores; you can have her rotate your damn tires if you want!) This may seem complicated, but come on, it will make for a great story in the future! ...'Sides, I'm sure the bunny will grow on you.
raya_kz 7
I read an fml post like this a few weeks ago. Word for word. Except that the surprise was something like a headache or whatever. I suspect this is a fake post.