Today, I secretly took a day off work, since I had to use up my vacation, and wanted a "me day." My wife called, and I was ready to pretend to be at work. Too bad the cat decided to come up behind me and meow loudly, alerting my wife that I was home. She's pissed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was excited to finally take a day off work and relax at home. However, as soon as I was on the couch to Netflix and chill with my cat, I got a call from my boss saying I was needed at the office to fix a major issue. I ended up spending the entire day at work and didn't get to enjoy my "day off." FML
Today, I called out of work, making an elaborate claim my wife was sick, and that I HAD to stay home to take care of her, because I have never played hooky from work before. That afternoon, at a minor league hockey game as I'm buying a hotdog with my wife, my boss from behind me asked, "How's the fam?" FML
Today, I came home from a four-day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she's been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, I shut the door to the bedroom so my wife and I could have a serious talk. Unfortunately, the cat stuck his paw under the door and started flailing around, causing me to bust up laughing at a bad moment. My wife was furious, threw a water bottle at me, and locked me out overnight. FML
Today, I was working from home and had an important meeting with my superiors. It was fine until my sleepy wife came in and asked if I could find a better time for calls. I didn't notice her right away and failed to disable my camera. She was fully naked, and I received an email about inappropriate behaviour later. FML
Today, I worked from home and, by coincidence, it was the day that my partner was going away for the weekend with some friends. When one of them picked her up, I noticed that the other friend's husband was going on the trip. So other husbands are invited… but not me. FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend complaining that I don't help with the chores, I secretly took a day off work to deal with some that were piling up. When she got home, all she could do was complain about how I hadn't done more. FML
Today, my husband had confessed that we couldn't go on a vacation this spring because he was out of vacation time. He took two weeks off and pretended to go to work, then came home once I'd left. Another woman? No, some stupid shit in his video game called "Runescape Leagues." FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
Why lie? Just tell your wife the truth.
Chazzster 32
The implied fact is that OP wanted a day off both from work and spouse. We all occasionally feel that way and for nothing wrong, just a chance to decompress. But telling your spouse that you want time to yourself is tricky at best.
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Comments (3)
mike3775 39
Why lie? Just tell your wife the truth.
idragosani 17
I don't get why you had to hide the fact you are using a vacation day.
Chazzster 32
The implied fact is that OP wanted a day off both from work and spouse. We all occasionally feel that way and for nothing wrong, just a chance to decompress. But telling your spouse that you want time to yourself is tricky at best.
Chazzster 32
I was with a group of guys and a friend of a friend told about his taking a vacation and going to the beach every day for a week while letting his wife think he was at work. It’s possible when you always use your cellphone to communicate… I thought at the time that if his wife ever found out that he took a whole week of “me time” at the beach that there would be problems.