Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mother found out that I'm three months pregnant. She told my boyfriend to put it up for adoption, and now wants a paternity test. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML
Today, while having a break up fight with my fiancée, she informed me that the paternity of our unborn child was in question because one of the other guys couldn't remember if he got off or not. FML
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Top comments
aggiegirl95 7
Guess its time to call Maury.
petethelovehorn 19
You're better off without her, OP!
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Comments (155)
vintend0 8
why is everyone jumping on the chick? there's plenty of things to explain this other than she's been banging someone else A) She could have told him over text and this may have been been a failed autocorrect B) It could be that she's having the blood test kind of pregnancy test and she may have thought that it's called something different C) Could've been a brain fart/OP is going out with someone dumb and she just said the wrong word D) Could've been a joke Yes, she could have cheated and that would be disgusting of her to tell him in that way, but no one knows the full story so maybe don't jump to conclusions
Redgy22 26
I wasn't aware that she was a fuzzy baby bird. If that's the case, then I can understand a typo what with her having a beak and all.
Emirac 10
#46, not even funny sarcasm. Everyone over 5 grasps that chick is slang for woman. You just jumped at the chance to make a joke and failed hard.
Redgy22 26
It's also considered derogatory FYI.
Emirac 10
Wow, you're really reaching there.
vegantreegirl 26
Thank you for clarifying #63. I honestly didn't even understand the joke #46 was trying to make....
DoomedGemini 38
This is the first time I've heard that "chick" was derogatory, can you please explain why?
vintend0 8
yes, in much the same way 'dude' is derogatory to males and 'kid' is derogatory to children
Sora_McKain 36
The literal definition of 'dude' is a rich old man. How is that derogatory?
vintend0 8
sarcasm doesn't translate well on the internet, huh?
ad1836 19
Dump that bitch !
virtue333 4
She prolly meant pregnancy test...I hope
melanij 7
She probably meant pregnancy test, you're the one that would have to do a paternity test. unless she's just going to have the other guy (s) do the test..
rorex 26
I feel like she must have meant to say pregnancy test, for paternity she would need your DNA to test. This suggests she will do it without you.
bahamit 18
Let's hope your girlfriend is a bit of a ditz and mixed up paternity and pregnancy test... Funnier mix ups have happened, had a ditz in my high school class who was dead set that she was right when she mixed up organism and ******....
C001Gir1 17
I think a follow up would be good op!
wdunh69733 24
Are you sure she didn't mean pregnancy test and just misspoke?
Arot6 17
Be glad she's getting a paternity test instead of just declaring you or someone else the father. Now you'll know whether or not you have any rights regarding the kid and whether or not you're to be held responsible for the financial support of the kid.
en124to79 16
just hope the kid isn't yours, you don't want to be tied to her