Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of five months is pregnant. Apparently, she stopped taking her pill two months ago because "we" wanted a baby. I don't recall ever having that discussion with her. FML
Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me is pregnant. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
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Top comments
chico86 2
Yet another soon to be single mom!
bayli 12
You must have some pretty magical sperm.
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Comments (184)
chico86 2
Yet another soon to be single mom!
RussianFox 13
I feel worse for the child going to have a cheating scumbag mother.
Futacy 30
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Eleven years later... OP's son: Hi Kid: Hey, yo mama's so dirty...
ICastillo 25
Well Op at least you found out she is a cheater and a dumb one at that.
akwag09 4
18- ur not making sense
RigPig 3
neida r u 37, wut da ***
ScaughtieHolden 11
RigPig, are you illiterate? What the ****.
merryhappy1887 20
*neither *are *you *what *the *****
Shrike 24
It's pretty obvious RigPig was sarcastically mocking the guy. Holy shit, you two are dense.
ScaughtieHolden 11
I was poking fun at what he said by correcting him. You sir must be dense.
Shrike 24
Sure you were, 60. Don't worry, those awful people thumbing you down may not buy it, but I believe you. :)) But no, seriously, you'd have been better off claiming your sister stole your iPhone and posted that comment to make you look stupid. Come on, at least be amusing with your backtracking.
X_Codes 11
Couldn't happen to a nicer person.
lexi365 20
At least OP can move on and find a better and more faithful girlfriend.
gmc_blossom 21
Yeah, if you look at 39's profile it's most obvious he doesn't type like that. 0.o
bayli 12
You must have some pretty magical sperm.
Delvins 8
Either that or she kept some frozen...
Thelic 3
Or really good aim over extreme distances. Maybe you should be a sniper, I know you have a target in mind.
RedPillSucks 33
His sperm has quantum tachyons and was able to leap forward into the future to impregnate her. Too nerdy?
Thelic 3
To 52- Yes, alittle to nerdy. But I have to give props though, very creative in a Star Trek nerdy way :)
JulietRose 10
(in tone of gangnam style) Ayyy that's your baby! Nope nope nope nope
anencephalic 14
Or, OP could be Satan and the poor wretch is giving birth to Antichrist.
jillybee101 7
Hail Satan
goldfish78 11
Skype sex works
wtfjess 10
68 Nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope that's not your child!
gc327072 31
68- broken condom style!
Ugi 27
82 - that may be true on some levels but for conceiving children I'm afraid it's not terribly effective.
Pyapi 20
Not the best with numbers, is she?
Thelic 3
OP's GF: 1,2,3,7... Isn't that how it goes?
domking1315 20
Even though he's new im kinda liking this guy^
MalloryKnox 8
Darn those pesky numbers! Guess she's not the best with the whole being faithful thing either...
S182 15
If he wasn't physically there, I don't think she is going to have much of a case to sue for support....
AKGirlinSD 20
Adding to 108's comment, the Original Poster can get the test done (I believe) 12 weeks into the pregnancy. OP, I highly you suggest you get the test done now instead of your lady friend trying to persuade you that you're the daddy!
highway_unicorn7 5
Time for another vacation!
amandajlucas2015 2
I don't think he was just on a vacation that took 7 months lol and for ur sake I hope u were atleast trying to keep in touch with ur girlfriend while u were away doing whatever.. I'm assuming military.. But it could be some other job related.. But if she hadn't even heard from u in 7 months not one word then she might have thought u ha forgotten about her and moved on.. Then u just decided to show up again one day and surprised her so that was the first thing she could think of was to say "oh we're pregnant!" when what she was really thinkin was "wtf are u doin here".. And if u did keep in touch with her then shame on her!:)
eggmarie 25
Have you people ever heard of a long distance relationship?
ohrlly7457 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She is si stupid he probaly used an app for an iphone as a pregnacy test
KML92 6
Dumbest sentence I've read on FML all day.
C19_fml 9
The irony in this sentence is killing me.
DontThumbMeDown 8
My brain cells are committing suicide one by one after reading 5's comment.
vintage3113 6
Hahaha this is so retarded it's just funny
agonydrum 7
Maybe 5 is trying to be ironic?
BigBoyBounce 5
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around she is si stupid. How can someone be yes stupid?
djgoreo 12
That's actually "if". yes is sí with an accent. GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STUDY
MiiszRonRon 6
I would say they meant so not si...
tyrecius 4
Never reproduce.
green2go 14
Or it could be referring the a&e show duck dynasty
BigBoyBounce 5
Sorry 86 i took french in middle school and italian in high school. I'm no expert when it comes to spanish.
FMLKitten 15
My brain just went on strike. Thanks, #5.
YUNOLIKE 6
This post gave me cancer
sk8_king 23
in the voice of maury......you are not the father
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
6- Best show ever. Makes you feel better about your relationships
nyrangers9924 0
That comment made my day hahahaha
hellaflushfa5 6
Run far far away!
flutter4 7
The dumb bitch deserves to be a single mom but I do feel sorry for the kid
williamcarter93 13
I think she remembers. Maybe she's one of these people who think the man won't remember so if their on-the-side relationship doesn't work they will have a man to fall back on. Show her she's wrong.
Metallica36176 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I get the feeling that a lot of women mess with the guys and hope they can fool them by being the "hopeless, helpless, single, poor, fragile, mom" and use that against them. Not saying that theyre all like that but some have been know to act helpless to get attention etc..
Lehk 9
don't mention anything right away, wait until after the kid is born to demand a dna test and leave her cheating ass.
happle 21
131- Why would he stick around any longer?
noelykins1 19
For some reason this FML happens a lot. These women ruin relationships for the rest of us -.-
1happymummy 14
I dont know what's worse, her not fessing up to obviously having cheated or the fact that she's stupid enough to think you can't work out the maths.
Schizomaniac 24
Congratulations! Wait, how can she be 4 months pregnant if... Oh. Well...damn.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Hey it's like the tortoise and the hare, except the sperm fell asleep for a few months and still won, right?