Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
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Top comments
infantrygirl 0
Lindsey, what the hell do you mean by that?? First, 99.9999% of military men and women would NOT overreact like that, so your comment is unfair. Second, if he is in the military, and he has PTSD, you, as an ignorant civvi, have NO right to judge him. Learn some respect for those who risk their lives for your freedom.
Big_Pick 0
My natural instincts are to scream like a girl and run away. It's a miracle my species has survived.
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Comments (108)
thepokeduck 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What are you, some kind of military guy? Ugh.
Macromartyr 3
Yeah A LOT of people took this combat way too seriously.... has anyone ever seen action movie like James Bond or Bourne Identity? they're clearly "well-trained" "soldiers" I.e. military like. Fast and bad reflexes, that's all folks.
drewfus2 6
What do you mean 'ugh'? If he is in fact in the military he was fighting to protect inconsiderate morons like yourself. In the future, please try to form coherent thoughts before spewing them where others have to see them? Thank you.
MsNateV 7
military combatives is taken seriously though, and it's crazy dangerous when it's a natural instinct or a reaction. people who've come back from deployments aren't completely themselves, expecting a bomb to blow up 300 meters away from them at any minute. :)
Niz_DD 14
Settle down there Jason Bourne
Julian_s1234 11
Amen
infantrygirl 0
Lindsey, what the hell do you mean by that?? First, 99.9999% of military men and women would NOT overreact like that, so your comment is unfair. Second, if he is in the military, and he has PTSD, you, as an ignorant civvi, have NO right to judge him. Learn some respect for those who risk their lives for your freedom.
jamese1207 0
agreed
Chocolate_Chunk 2
More like, risk their lives for your oil.
Colonel_256 0
Military men and women tend to be way more paranoid however. trust me I know. I work with them and chill with them. I'm paranoid as well
MsNateV 7
Thank you :).. I'm in the military and i know I've come a long way from the short time I've been in. I may be getting deployed in April 2013, 4 months after i come back from my 6-month long job training.
Nightwing98 22
Well said!
dixiefoxx 22
Yeah, because I have a lot of veterans in my family, NONE of them would instinctively do that. I just hate it how some people are so rude about veterans and military people, their usually really nice and cool people, like the ones in my family, and my friends dad.
infantrygirl 0
Hate the government and the ones who sent our troops to war, if you want. I don't care. But when it comes to the men and women who are willing to risk their lives for you, I think they deserve your respect and support. You're a civilian. You have no idea what they go through. They signed up to protect this country. When they are ordered to deploy, they are fulfilling their duty. They don't like the death and destruction that comes from war, but they understand that sometimes war is necessary. Until you have served, you have no right to judge them.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
That's like saying "unless you've murdered, you have no buisness judging murderers". Yeah, you sound as stupid as that. Oh, by the way, I am in a country where every male citicen has to go to the army, so yes, I have served.
Deservesit22 1
Not all military men and women have "murdered" it could be self defense or even a safety hazard.
bluegoldfish 7
if they think that war is necessary and want to risk their lives for their country, thats their business and obviously it should be respected if purely on the basis that its their opinion and theyre entitled to it. however this doesnt mean that the rest of the public (who dont ask them to do this and many of whom oppose it) should be obliged to agree with them just because what theyre doing is dangerous. its their choice and while you have to respect their right to an opinion this doesnt mean condoning what in any other context basically amounts to murder (i know there are some people in the military like medics or aircraft engineers who dont kill people but im not talking about them).
Haelous 0
I agree with #2. When you take martial arts for years upon years it becomes second nature. You execute the techniques subconciously.
SushiChef 0
I agree with you 100%. When you train, you get muscle memory and it just happens. When put into a surprising situation, you do not have time to think about it, you react.
EpicFailML 0
I'm not really sure what either of you are talking about. I've taken mixed martial arts for 15 years. Anyone experienced in martial arts knows you always incorporate a soft form (like jujitsu) into your practice specifically so you always maintain control. Blaming your actions on muscle memory shows you are inexperienced, lack discipline, and think you're hot stuff when you're not. My guess is the OP is just a high strung coward, YDI
dragonstrike94 8
Well some martial artists don't have the mixed part maybe they only know one hmmm
SaltyLurker 10
To anyone denying this: SHUUUUNNNN!!! Self control is a key part of martial arts training so anyone that can't control their movements, even instinctual, are simply not as good at martial arts as others with control.
VivaLaJewFace 0
Hahaha!
necomni 0
You'd think that he'd stop at least at "twisting wrists."
Jiplo 18
I don't think you know how fast someone can do that type of maneuver...
Bee123_fml 0
u retard...you need to trust those around you...why dont you start with your mom?
Deservesit22 1
Why don't you start by making a good joke?
Big_Pick 0
My natural instincts are to scream like a girl and run away. It's a miracle my species has survived.
Labaties 5
Hahahahaha
Imthatgirlthere 0
Guys, that's not trust issues, that's second nature after years of karate or something. I'd probably elbow someone in the street who did that, regardless of affiliations just because its instinct. Not cool.
JennaWenna 0
Do you not recognize your own girlfriend's voice?
azhein 0
he said the moment her hands touched his face so it would have been before she said anything.